


Fictober 2019 for JC fans

by Bizarra



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant If Jeri Taylor Had Never Left, Crew as Family, F/M, Fictober 2019, Fluff, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Romance, various referenced episodes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-03
Updated: 2019-10-31
Packaged: 2020-12-01 19:24:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 32
Words: 23,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20873852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bizarra/pseuds/Bizarra
Summary: Short stories for each of the Fictober prompts. All stories will be JC and canon-compliant, with a hell of a lot of blatant subtext. You know, like Seasons 1-4. ;)





	1. It will be fun, trust me.

**Author's Note:**

> Each chapter will be a complete short story based on that day’s prompt. 
> 
> I’m going to try to keep it rated Teen, but you never know with these two. (Subtext my eye)
> 
> (Fair warning, none of these are beta'd. If you find any major mistakes, let me know and I'll fix them. :)

“It will be fun, trust me.”

“I do trust you, Tom.” Kathryn sighed. “More so than I really should.” She glanced at the PADD again. “But that… dress doesn’t leave much to the imagination.”

Tom Paris stopped and turned to his captain. “It needs to fit in with the setting.”

Kathryn glared at her helmsman. She regretted the fact that she agreed to this whole idea. “Exactly what kind of setting is it?”

He just smiled at her.

And walked away.

If he wasn’t such a good goddamned pilot, she’d kill him.

She turned to head to her quarters, but slammed right into the man she’d had no idea was standing behind her. She yelped in fright and quickly hid the datapad behind her pack. “How long have you been standing there?”

He smirked. “Oh, long enough.” His dimples deepened. Kathryn automatically stepped back because those things were weapons. “What have you got there?” he asked, reaching for her arm.

“Nothing!” She stammered, then mumbled under her breath. “Practically nothing at all.” Why did she always turn into a damned teenager around him. She tightened her grasp on the object in her hand and cleared her throat. “Shouldn’t one of us be on the bridge?”

He chuckled. “Beta shift is up there, Kathryn. We’re both off duty. Or did you forget you agreed to go to Tom’s halloween party with me?”

She feigned disinterest. “I must have forgotten. That’s tonight?”

“It is tonight.” He reminded. “I was just off to my quarters to put on my costume.” He held up and waved his own PADD. He gave her a quick wink. “I assume that’s what’s on the PADD you’re hiding.”

She growled and moved her arms to her front, crossing them. She held tight to the small device.

“Let me guess, you hate the costume he picked for you?”

“And you like yours?” she asked.

“I do. It’ll be fun for one night to pretend to be someone else.” Chakotay shrugged. “Or something else.”

“Dare I ask?”

Dare I ask?”

She glared. “It’s bad enough I have to be in public wearing this. I’m not telling you beforehand.”

He gave her a suggestive look, “we could stay in and wear them.”

“Nice try, Commander.” Her eyebrow rose, “but no.”

He gave a slight shake of his head and still with the suggestive tone, replied as he walked away, “you haven’t seen what I’m wearing yet.”


	2. Just follow me, I know the area

Kathryn stepped forward as the transporter beam cleared. She looked around. The spot Chakotay had chosen for her shore leave was certainly beautiful. The sky was cloudless and a deep clear blue. Palm trees swayed in the gentle breeze and an ocean roared in the background. She was glad he’d been right about the temperature. The clothes she wore were certainly not for cool weather.

She wore a blue short sleeved slip on dress, comfortable and easy to move around in. One that would look very familiar if Chakotay saw her in it. She carried a blanket, a book and a basket. Her plan was to find the beach, settle and read for several quiet hours. 

Kathryn turned toward the sound of the water and started walking. Her guard went up when she heard footsteps behind her. She relaxed the moment she recognised the footfalls. With a smile, she continued walking, but at a slower pace so he could catch up.

“I thought you’d already had your shore leave?” She called back as he neared.

“I still have a day left.” He caught up with her. “I thought I’d see you get settled in.” Chakotay slowed to match her pace. “I hope you don’t mind.”

Kathryn smiled. “Why would I mind spending time with my best friend?” She lifted her basket, “I packed wine with my fruit.”

He smiled, “predictable as always.”

She laughed, “no. You’re predictable.” Kathryn glanced his way. “I knew I’d see you, so I packed a picnic for two.”

Chakotay’s smile widened as he lowered his head. He turned toward her and reached out his arms, “let me carry something.” As she offered, he took both the basket and the blanket, tucking the latter over his arm and the former in his grasp. He reached out to her, “Just follow me. I know the area.”

Without hesitation, Kathryn took the hand he offered and nodded. “Lead on, Commander.”

With her following closely, Chakotay veered off the main path, and onto a smaller less-tread side one. He’d found a small clearing two days ago and was hoping he’d get a chance to show it off. From the moment he laid eyes on the cliff-top overlooking the expansive purplish sea, he knew he wanted to bring Kathryn there. He had never seen an ocean that color, and from the vantage point of the cliff, the coming sunset would be beautiful.

But not nearly as stunning as his companion.

Kathryn’s eyes widened as she took in the view. “Oh my. This is lovely.” She stopped as they reached the apex of the cliff and he dropped her hand. “I wonder what gives the water that hue?”

“Ever the scientist.” He told her as he spread the blanket, then set the basket on top. He opened the wicker lid and began to pull out the various items she’d packed. His heart bounded with gladness when he realized that she had indeed packed dinner for the two of them.

“Of course, I am!” She sat across from him and beamed. “With the sky this blue, there has to be something in the water that gives it the purple tint.” She helped Chakotay spread out the fruits, cheese, crackers, and vegetables she’d brought in the hopes that he would join her. When she heard the bottle open, Kathryn picked up both glasses and held them as he tipped the bottle.

Once the glasses were filled and the wine braced against the basket to prevent it’s spillage, Kathryn offered a toast. “To Latiri Six, her purple water, and good company.”

Chakotay followed suit and added his own words. “To spending shore leave with a good friend.” 

“I’ll drink to that.” Kathryn smiled and tapped her glass gently to his.


	3. Now? Now You Listen To Me

“How and when are you going to get me out of here?”

His captain wrapped her hands around the bars--literal bars!--of the prison cell she occupied and looked up at her very frustrated first officer, who stood on the opposite side of said bars.

“Now? Now you listen to me?” he growled at her.

“I listen to you.” Kathryn defended. “When I feel like you’re saying something important.” She gave him that half-smile that she knew disarmed him. Because it did. Every. Damned. Time.

He sighed and leaned closer, “you vex me, woman!”

She batted her eyes and widened that damned grin. “It’s part of my charm.”

Chakotay took a deep breath and evened a glare at her. “Did you even read the information I gave you about planetary laws and what not to do in the city square?” 

She crossed her arms, “I did! It all seemed very straightforward and typical. I saw nothing out of the ordinary.” As she got more angry and frustrated, her gestures widened. “There was absolutely nothing on that PADD you gave me, Chakotay, that specified that picking a damned flower was illegal!” She stepped back to the cell door.

Now it was his turn to grin. He put his hands on his hips, unconsciously matching her usual stance. “You’re right, Kathryn. There wasn’t.” He stepped closer and moved his hands to the bars over hers. He leaned closer, “but on page two it does specify that picking the Lyonia Liliflora is punishable by remaining in prison until it’s next bloom.” He raised an eyebrow, “guess which flower you picked?”

Kathryn groaned and dropped her head against the bars. “Why that specific flower?”

“It’s a very rare plant, only ten exist on this entire planet.” He adjusted his stance so he could be lower and speak quietly at her level. “Because of this, it’s a highly regarded plant in their religious culture.” He lifted her chin with his finger so he could meet her eyes. “Kathryn, this thing blooms once a year.”

“A year?” She squeaked huskily.

“A year.” He tapped her nose, “so listen to me, oh Captain, my captain.” He stood, “you’re going to sit here and be the most model prisoner you can be, while I go speak to the ambassador and see if I can get you out of here before this time next year.”

He inwardly chuckled when she gave him an exaggerated salute and moved back to sit on the thin cot that shared the small cell with her.

Once Chakotay left the cell rooms, he was escorted to the Ambassador’s office. He nodded in acknowledgement of the man behind the desk.

“Is she comfortable?” the Lyonian Ambassador asked as he gestured for his new friend to sit.

Chakotay grinned as he sat and helped himself to a cup of coffee. “As comfortable as she can be in a small concrete cell, but she’ll survive the two days she’ll be there, given that she thinks it will be a year.”

“You didn’t tell her, did you?” Bren chortled.

“That she only need wait for the next plant to bloom? And spoil my fun? Hell no.” He laughed. “But I do thank you for helping me to get her out of the way while the crew plans her birthday party.” He leaned forward and picked up a cookie. “It is extremely difficult to surprise someone who hates surprises.”

The gentle elderly ambassador laughed, “my beloved and I are honored to attend this party. We look forward to seeing you both there.”

Chakotay nodded. “And we are honored as well.” He stood and prepared to return to the ship. “Provided the Captain doesn’t kill me first.”

He left the room followed by the jovial laughter of a man he’d come to like quite a bit.


	4. I Know You Didn't Ask For This

Today was a bad day. Kathryn sat on the couch in her ready room and stared out at the stars. They were hanging still in space, because Voyager was at a full stop. Drifting. The nausea that had been ever present since that morning threatened again. She lowered her head to her knees, trying to stave off the bile.

She was cold. She had moments of lightheadedness and she hasn’t stopped shaking since she had to make the decision that ended three lives. With that reminder, she gave a strangled cry and rushed to the head before the last half of a cup of coffee made its reappearance.

She made it to the end of the couch.

Kathryn dropped to her knees vaguely thinking there was nothing left in her stomach and she never wanted to eat again.

The next thing she knew, strong arms wrapped around her and a soothing voice comforted her. She gave in to her misery and clutched at his uniform as she cried.

“I know you didn’t ask for this, Kathryn.”

Her breath hitched as she tried desperately to stop the emotional outburst. She didn’t have time for this. “No!” She tried to sit, but he held her tightly in his embrace. “Tell that… to Janie Harkin’s mother.” She gulped at the air like a fish out of water, “tell D’al Trinken’s son and daughter.” A new wave of grief washed over her. “Oh, god.” She clutched tighter at Chakotay’s shirt. Ensign Daria had just gotten married. “They were all at the beginning of their lives.” She intensified her struggles. “They didn’t… ask for this.”

She pulled loose and scrambled to her feet, moving as far away from him as she could. I..” she slammed her fist at her own chest, “got them into this… mess! They didn’t deserve to die.” She turned to the viewport where the stationary stars mocked her. “It should have been me.”

“Kathryn,” his arms were around her again and she was pulled back against him. She leaned her head back, needing his strength. “It was an accident. One that could have happened no matter what quadrant we were in.” He turned her, “If you hadn’t made that call we would all be dead.”

Knowing he was right, she collapsed against his chest as her tears started anew. She felt him tighten his embrace. “Harkins, Trinken, and Daria would want us to move forward and not let their deaths stop us.” He lay his cheek atop her head, “When you feel up to it, why don’t you head down to engineering and assist Carey in figuring out what happened.”

She nodded against his chest. With a deep breath, she collected herself and stepped back. “I need to clean myself up first.” Her gaze slipped to the floor at the end of the couch and she shuddered.

Chakotay shook his head. “Go to your quarters, shower, and change. I’ll clean up here.”

“That’s not part of your job description. I can…”

“It’s part of my job description as your friend.”

“I don’t deserve you.”

He smiled. “No, you don’t, but you’re stuck with me anyway.” He angled his head to the door. “Go.”

She stepped up to him and pressed a light kiss to his cheek. “Thank you, Chakotay.” She lightly pressed her hand against his chest and with a slight hesitation walked away and through the corridor exit.


	5. Yes, I'm aware. Your point?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Flipping today and tomorrow's prompts for timeline (ish) purposes

Kathryn staggered to the bar and leaned against it, propped by an elbow. She slapped the hardwood top. “One more whiskey, Sandrine.”

The blonde bartender stepped up to her. “You said ‘one more’ three glasses ago, cheri”

Voyager’s thoroughly plastered Captain grunted and held her hand out, waiting for the drink.

The equally annoyed bartender rolled her eyes and set another full glass down in front of her irate customer.

Once the glass was plopped in front of her, Kathryn picked it up and took a large swig, half of it’s contents dribbling down her chin. She wiped away the excess liquid with the back of her hand and turned to face the gathered crowd in the popular holoprogram.

“You’re drunk.”

She rolled her eyes. Capital observation, Commander Oblivious. “I’m aware of that. Your point?”

He shrugged. “Just thought you might want to slow down a bit. Aren’t you working tomorrow?”

She laughed and picked up her glass, swallowing the rest of its contents in one gulp. “Oh hell no. I leave you in command one time, Shuk-oh-tay,” she slurred, “and you let the ship get taken over by a giant d’sease.” She waved her arm widely as she spoke, “I had to spend the whole day--after the first worst contact ever, I might add. Good God the Tik Taks are a confusing people-- I bushted my rids ribbing the ship of the giant flying starfish anoeba… things.” She shook her head, “the shap is in shimbles,” she stopped to ponder what she’d just said, then shook her head and continued. She poked her finger into his chest, “you get to clean up that mess.”

Kathryn raised her arm and turned, “Sandrine!”

“No!” The proprietress snapped. “Commander would you please take notre héroïne to bed?”

“Nope!” Kathryn reddened as she glanced at Chakotay who gave her a smirk. Of their own volition, her eyes dropped to his lips as she mumbled much louder than she intended, “tempting though.”

Chakotay rolled his eyes and reached for her. “C’mon Captain. Bar’s closing. I’ll take you home and ply you with coffee before getting you into bed.”

She pushed away from him, “I am not that easy.”

“Don’t I know it,” he mumbled as he pulled her against him to help her walk to the door.

“What?” Kathryn asked as she stumbled against him.

He chuckled, “nothing.” He tucked her under his arm and slowly walked her out of the holodeck. “Let’s get you home.”


	6. I Might Just Kiss You

It was late. Much too late, really, for Voyager’s command team to still be on the holodeck. But the resort that Tom had programmed for the luau, while tacky and stereotypical, was beautiful. 

Kathryn settled on a beach lounger while Chakotay went back to the bar to refill their drinks. She took a deep breath of the tropical air, inhaling the floral scents. The sun had set some time ago so the stars sparkled brightly in the clear warm night. She hummed contentedly as she settled in her chair and waited for her companion to return.

“One Mai Tai for the pretty lady.”

Kathryn jumped as the voice was not the one she expected. She looked up to find a waiter with her drink. She furrowed her brows as she took the drink, wondering where Chakotay had gone. “Thank you,” she said as she looked around. “Where is my…”

“Looking for me?” Chakotay stepped behind the man and took the other drink from him. The waiter smiled, bowed lightly and then made himself scarce.

“Where did you go?”

He set both of their drinks on the table between their chairs and pulled her to a stand. “Just needed to do a quick bit of reprogramming.” He led her to a small beach where the newly placed moon shone brightly.

“It’s beautiful.” She stood at the water’s edge and crouched. “It’s purple.” She smiled and stood taking in the sight.

“I thought you’d like it.” he leaned forward. “Happy anniversary, Kathryn.”

“Anniversary?” She questioned, then thought. The stardate was… her eyes widened. Five years ago was the day she’d asked him to be her first officer. Her partner in this insane trek across the galaxy to a home they may never see again. She smiled. “I hope you don’t regret that decision.”

Chakotay laced his fingers through hers. He drifted his thumb across the back of her hand and gave it a light squeeze. “No. I don’t regret it at all. Starfleet, however, might.”

She smiled crookedly “ My mission was to catch you, they didn’t specify how.”

He laughed and dropped her hand. Chakotay turned toward the water and took a few steps. “I’d like to talk to you about something. And maybe revisit a topic we dismissed out of hand five years ago, when we naively thought we’d be home within the year.”

She stepped forward, “Chakotay?” 

He turned to her, then called, “Computer, move lounge chairs, the small table, and drinks to our location.” When the requested items materialized, he took his captain’s hand and led her to the seats. He sat opposite her, picked up his Mai Tai and took a healthy dose of courage. He took a deep breath and leaned forward, holding his palms out flat, in hopes that she’d understand the invitation. She did. He gently closed his fingers around hers and blew out the breath he’d unconsciously been holding.

“Kathryn, you know I do and will always respect you and your position on protocol.”

She started to pull her hands away, suddenly knowing where the conversation was going. “I don’t…”

He tightened his grip, “Please hear me out. I’m not requesting an immediate change in our… positions.”

After a moment’s contemplation, Kathryn nodded and settled. “Okay.”

“I know, you are intent on getting us home as soon as possible. But, it’s been five years.” He looked down, contemplating his words. “We could get home tomorrow, or we could be sitting on this holographic beach in this exact holodeck ten, twenty, thirty years from now.” He absently drifted his thumbs over her hands. “I don’t want my life to pass me by… our lives to pass us by.”

“Chakotay,” she whispered. “You sound as if you’re proposing. You know I can’t-”

His gaze met hers. “I am proposing. But, not what you think. I think we need to revisit the fraternization policy. For… for the crew. If we’re here any longer, we will need to start thinking of a second generation, a new crew to take over eventually.”

“I would hope we’d never need that contingency plan.” She responded, then straightened her back before turning to attention back to him. “But, I do think you’re right about the fraternization policy. It isn’t fair to keep these people from moving on with their lives if they wish to. Couples are starting to form and who am I to keep that from happening.”

“And what about us?” Chakotay tentatively offered.

“Us?” She shook her head, “I can’t. I’m the captain. My focus needs to be on the ship, the crew. Getting us home.”

“You will need companionship, Kathryn. Someone to hold you when you need it. Someone to laugh with, to cry with. A lover if you wish.” He dropped her hands, and tugged on his ear. “I’m offering you that, with no strings attached.”

“But Chakotay, you already…” her eyes widened as the realization dawned. “Do all of that -- most of that.” Her hand covered her mouth. “We’ve gotten too close. I need to--” She started to get up, when he lay a hand on her knee and stopped her. 

“I’ve been looking over every line, every addendum to Starfleet Regulations and Protocol Guidelines. I’ve even spoken to Tuvok.”

“You’ve talked to Tuvok about this?” She asked a tinge of anger in her voice.

“I wanted to be sure that there was nothing regulatory in our way, and he is our regulations expert.” He shrugged. “The only thing we found was in a section of the harassment guidelines. Any relationship between a higher ranked officer and their direct insubordinate must be initiated by the insubordinate and be fully consensual lest there be the potential for sexual or other types of harassment.”

“And you’re initiating.”

He nodded. “Yes, I am.” He leaned forward on his elbows and clasped his hands together. “Here is my proposal, Kathryn.” He took a deep breath. “Nothing need change now. But once we get home, or in another five years if we’re still out here, I want to love you, the way you deserve to be loved. I want to be your husband, if you’ll have me.”

Kathryn blinked away threatening tears. “Five years?” She wiped away a droplet that managed to escape her eye. She furrowed her brows as she briefly gave it thought. She strengthened and met his gaze. She nodded, “in the meantime, I have no objection to revising the fraternization policy.” She raised her hand, “as long as it doesn’t compromise their--” she gave him a grin, “our-- work.”

Caught up in the moment, the way the moon glinted off her eyes, the way the breeze blew her hair across her face. Chakotay’s breath caught and he leaned slightly forward. “Kathryn, I might just kiss you, right now.”

To his surprise, her hand inched up his chest and she moved closer.

“I might just let you.”


	7. No, and That's Final!

“No, and that’s final!”

“Kathy, Kathy, Kathy your mouth says ‘no’.” The infuriating omnipotent one grinned, no leered suggestively, “Your demeanor says ‘yes, yes, yes’.”

Kathryn rolled her eyes. “Q,” She crossed her arms, “my demeanor is saying why are you back? I thought you were on your honeymoon.”

Q sighed in frustration and moved up to the second level in her ready room. He plopped onto the couch. “Honeymoon? All Q does is eat bon bons and complain that I snore too loudly.” He stood, “Is that all you women do when you have children?”

“If I said yes, would you leave me alone?”

His face brightened, “Yes I can stay?” He clapped his hands happily, “Oh Kathy you’ve made me the happiest Q ever!”

“I didn’t say…” Her countenance fell and she sighed. “I meant yes that’s what women with children...Oh nevermind.” She walked to her replicator and ordered a coffee. If she weren’t on duty she’d have ordered an Irish coffee. She heard the door slide open and had a feeling her day was going to get worse.

“Chuckles!”

“Kathryn?”

Yep. Much worse.

She took a deep breath, plastered a smile on her face and turned around.

“Chakotay!” She walked to her first officer as he climbed the few steps and gave him a look that she hoped conveyed to follow her lead. “Q is staying a few days.”

Chakotay’s eyes immediately went to the infuriating man. He opened his mouth and started to say something and Kathryn slammed her hand on his chest, grabbed a handful of uniform and pulled him to the lower level. “Captain, what is going on?”

“Bear with me,” Kathryn said quietly. “He,” she crooked her fingers in air quotes, “‘needs a break’ from his wife.”

“Voyager is not a vacation villa, Kathryn.”

“Tell that to Tom Paris,” Q spoke up having suddenly appeared within their bubble.

“Q, we’re having a discussion.” Kathryn sharply reminded.

The man rubbed his hands together, “Oh goody I love discussions!” He snapped and they found themselves in the briefing room, surrounded by the entire senior staff.

Kathryn slammed her hands on the table and stood. “Dammit, Q!”

He appeared and paced around the table. “What shall we discuss? Oh, I know! Tommy-boy’s holodeck addiction! Did you know--”

“Q!”

“No? Okay.” He thought, “Chuckles here was having a very inappropriate dream…”

Kathryn quickly lay a hand on Chakotay’s shoulder to keep him seated. “Seriously, Q?”

Q huffed, “Oh! Fine!” He then brightened, “How about this. If you think the nebulas in this quadrant are fascinating you should see the ones in the Andromeda Galaxy! Like cotton candy they are!” He snapped his fingers and they all found themselves on the bridge looking at a purple, green, and pink wispy nebula the likes of which they’d never seen before.

Kathryn stood from her chair. She was shaking with anger. “Q. If you have done what I think you’ve done. I will find a way to shred you, bit by bit.”

“You know you can’t kill me.” he raised an eyebrow.

Fire leapt from her eyes, “oh, but I would enjoy every moment of trying!”

Q’s eyes moved toward her xo as he smoothed, “Ooh, Lucky you, Chuckles, she likes it rough.”

Kathryn launched herself toward the infuriating man, but she was caught by the waist by a quick thinking Chakotay and yanked back against him. “Kathryn stop!”

“Oh relax, Kathy. I can take you home just as quickly.” Q waved his hand to the colorful sight on the viewscreen. “Meet the Astraeus Nebula! This thing is full of minerals the likes of which you’ve never seen!”

Kathryn pulled herself from her first officer’s grip and straightened her uniform. “Where. Are. We?” Her fists clenched tightly so as not to strangle the smug son of a bitch in front of her.

“Uh, Captain.” Harry Kim spoke up. He glanced at Q, then at her, then at Chakotay. “The sensors can’t get a reading past the fact that we’re over a thousand million…” He stopped speaking when the captain shook her head.

“Take us back now, Q” Chakotay growled as he moved forward.

Kathryn sighed and rubbed her forehead. Her usual Q-related headache was right on time. She moved to the man. “What is it you want?”

“Thank you Kathy,” He turned again. “I think you are all missing my point.” He gestured with his hands. “Nebula. Minerals.” He gazed expectantly at B’Elanna Torres.

“Wait a minute!” Voyager’s Chief Engineer, “what kind of minerals?”

Q threw up his arms. “I could learn to love Klingon Human hybrids” He walked closer to her. :The kinds of minerals that could make fuel,” He turned to Kathryn. “If you catch my meaning.”

“Q, are you telling us you’re trying to help us?”

Suddenly cookies appeared in everyone’s hands. Q moved back and plopped himself down in the captain’s chair as he nibbled on his own. “Have fun exploring the nebula. I’ll give you three days to discover what riches it can contain.” He glanced up and sighed. Then rolled his eyes. “I’m coming dearest!” he snapped and vanished.

Kathryn closed her eyes as the frustration left her body. She sat in the seat the omnipotent pain in her ass had just vacated. “Well. we’re here. We may as well look into this nebula.” She looked at her Chief Engineer. “B’Elanna, use as much of your resources as you can to see if he’s right about a possible fuel source.” She shrugged, “We’ve never seen these types of minerals before, who knows, you could find a more efficient way to get us home faster.”

“Is anyone going to bring up the fact that we’re now a couple centuries from home?” Harry Kim spoke up from his station. “That is if Q doesn’t make good on his promise.”

Kathryn stood up. “Oh, he will..” As infuriating as he was, Q had some sort of a heart and he did, in his own way, care about her. She’d trust him on this one. With fingers crossed behind her back. “If not, I do have a few things I could tell his wife.”


	8. Can You Stay?

Kathryn stood at the viewport in her quarters. She watched as star after star passed by. It was a very welcome change from the last several months of empty black. She leaned her forehead against the clear pane. She wished she felt better, but despite what the crew had done, and the fact that they’d left the void, the feeling of ennui still plagued her.

She moved away, finally tiring of the view and sat on her couch. She curled into the blanket and lay with a heavy sigh. She really should be glad they’d managed to avoid two whole years of empty space; that her crew had effectively mutinied. That they cared enough to keep her from sacrificing herself for them.

But she felt nothing. Nothing but overwhelming numbness.

She’d cry, but she couldn’t even do that.

She knew she should probably speak to the Doctor about this, but she didn’t have the oomph. She was lucky she had the energy to get up and get dressed that morning. She probably should have made an effort to go to the bridge. She wanted to show her crew, to show Chakotay that she was feeling better. That she appreciated what they had done for her.

Maybe tomorrow.

Her doorbell chimed. Speaking of. “Come in.” she said.

The door slid open and he stepped through. She noticed he wore brown pants and a button down shirt. “Hi.”

“Hi.” she echoed. She furrowed her brows. She thought it was mid-alpha shift. 

He walked over, sat down and turned to face her, “I thought I’d come keep you company.”

“Who’s on the bridge?”

“Tuvok has everything well in hand.” He leaned his head on the arm he’d propped against the back of the couch. “If there’s an emergency, he knows where to find me.” He reached with his free hand and pulled the blanket over one of her bare feet. “Do you want something to eat? Soup maybe?” He smiled, “coffee ice cream?”

Kathryn turned and straightened her legs over his lap. “I haven’t really had an appetite since,” she looked down, “I honestly have no idea when I ate last. But I don’t want food.” She regarded him with a look, “Chakotay, I don’t even want coffee.”

“Is there something you do want?”

She regarded him for several moments, wondering how to answer that question. What did she want, exactly? To stop feeling like the ship was a prison? To be left on the nearest planet? To be back in her bed in Bloomington, listening to Phoebe droll on about her latest art project. She rolled to her side, tucking her knees tight. “I want…” she sighed heavily. She wanted the responsibility to stop crushing her. She didn’t say that out loud. She couldn’t. To do so would prove that she was currently unfit for command.

“Can you stay?”

“As long as you want me to.”

She felt his weight lift from the couch as he stood. She watched him kick off his shoes, then pick up the blanket and slide onto the couch next to her. He gathered her into his arms and lay on his side so she was nestled between his body and the back of the couch. She burrowed herself as deep into his hold as she could.

He softly said. “Let your burdens go. I’ll carry them for as long as you need me to.”


	9. There Is A Certain Taste To It.

“There is a certain taste to it.”

“Is it a good taste or a bad taste?”

“I don’t know, Kathryn. It’s… a taste.”

“The color is ghastly.”

“That’s not much different than what Neelix usually cooks.”

“Does it taste like leola root?”

“No. I can emphatically say it does not taste like leola root.”

“Is that a good thing or a bad thing?”

“Kathryn, just try it.”

“I’m the captain of this ship. I can’t ‘just try’ something.”

“I’m ready to captain the ship, should I need to.”

“Funny.”

“The shuttle is coming into the hangar. Bzzzz…”

“Will you stop it.”

“Come on, Kathryn. I ate it. I’m still alive. I think you’ll survive.”

“It’s neon pink.”

“I’m leaving.”

“Alright, I’ll eat it.”

“Well?”

“Did it need to be pink?”

“Kathryn!”

“Fine.”

“...”

“It tastes like… chicken. Why does everything taste like chicken? I’d love to know that.”

“I’ve never tasted chicken, I wouldn’t know.”

“It tastes like this.”

“Do you think it would pass muster in Tom’s cooking contest?”

“I don’t see why you feel the need to join his contest.”

“It’s the only talent I have.”

“That’s not what I heard.”

“What have you heard?”

“I have it on good authority from a certain half-Klingon that you have a pretty good singing voice.”

“She’s never heard me sing.”

“Apparently you sing in your shower.”

“How would she know that?”

“According to her, the walls of the Val Jean were thin.”

“I’m not volunteering for talent night.”

“Please?”

“No.”

“...”

“Don’t give me that look.”

“What look?”

“Kathryn. I’m warning you.”

“Is that a threat, Commander?”

“I’m not singing.”

“Would you sing with me?”

“You sing?”

“I have many talents you’re unaware of.”

“Oh?”

“What makes this pink?”

“Nice sidestep.”

“I’m not divulging all of my secrets.”

“Not even one, Ms Dying Swan?”

“See, you already know a secret. Now you tell me one.”

“I sing in the shower.”

“I’m going to stick a PADD in your shower and record it.”

“Kathryn, the only way you’re going to hear me sing is to be in the shower with me.”

“...”

“...”

“Why **is** this pink?”


	10. Listen, I can't explain it, you'll have to trust me.

Kathryn swayed to the evocative music and gritted her teeth when the svelte grey-eyed green skinned alien tugged her closer and whispered what she assumed was a suggestive come-on in her ear. She’d honestly been picked up by better public shuttle pilots.

As the hand at her waist inched ever closer to the hem of her already too short skirt, she was abruptly pulled out of his arms and a larger body insinuated itself between them. It took her all of less than a second to recognize that body. She slammed her hand on the newcomer’s back as he reared to hit her not so subtle dance partner.

She pulled at the man and pushed herself between the two. “I was dancing with this, er, gentleman!” Kathryn grabbed her dance partner again and pushed him away from Chakotay’s fighting form. Just as she was settling back into the Raylen’s arms, she was grabbed by the shoulder and quickly found herself in Chakotay’s arms.

“Kathryn!”

She levelled a glare, “I don’t know who this Kathryn is.” She hoped he got the message through her eyes. She pushed out of his arms. “I recommend you go back to where you came from. Clearly the person you are looking for is. not. here!” She turned and found her date had lost interest and was currently in another woman’s arms. Turning back to Chakotay, she grimaced at him, then pulled him toward the bar. “Since you ruined my evening, buy me something.”

Thoroughly confused, Chakotay lowered his voice, “what are you doing.”

“I’ll have the Tarkasian sunrise. Make it a double” She moved toward an empty table in the back of the noisy crowded bar. She glanced around, hoping her players were all still in place. Good, both of the men she’d been following were still present. She sat back and looked up as Chakotay sat her drink down.

He dragged the chair across the table next to hers, then sat, leaning over her as if he were heading for second base. “I’m going to ask again. What are you doing.”

“Listen, I can’t explain it, you’ll have to trust me.” Kathryn turned in her chair and draped her legs over Chakotay’s. She pulled his arm around her waist and placed his hand on her ass. “You walked into this, now you have to help. Kiss me.”

“What?”

“I just asked you to kiss me, and you’re objecting?” She felt his forehead. “Do you have a fever?” Before the sentence was out of her mouth, his lips were on hers. She let herself enjoy the moment, until she remembered she was there for a reason.

Kathryn opened her eyes slightly and she watched as the heavy-set Rylen she’d been following all evening walked to the bar and ordered another drink, then headed for the door.

Suddenly she realized that the hand she’d placed on her rear was exploring the side of her breast and his lips were wandering. She pushed at him, “Chakotay,” she whispered, “my quarry just left.”

“My quarry is sitting on my lap.”

His mouth was aiming for her neck when she scrambled up. How did she end up straddling him? “I need to follow that man.” She pulled Chakotay to his feet as they rushed to the door.

“Why? What does he have, that I don’t have?” Chakotay let her pull him along.

“My pilot!”

At that Chakotay yanked his hand out of hers. “What the hell has Paris done now?”

She growled in frustration. “I have no idea. But when I do find him, he’s going to be scrubbing the plasma manifolds with his goddamn toothbrush for the next thirty years!” Suddenly the man they were following stopped in a doorway and turned. Without a second thought Kathryn shoved Chakotay against the closest wall and practically climbed his torso.

“Who are you and why are you following me.” a sharp voice interrupted their ‘moment’ of passion and for that Kathryn found herself annoyed. For Christ’s sake she never let herself… then her mind cleared. Right. Tom. She was halfway to an orgasm away from letting him stew in whatever trouble he was currently in. And if **he** was having a more enjoyable evening that she was, she’d make him clean those manifolds from the outside of the ship. 

Kathryn slid back to her feet and tried to dislodge her first officer’s hand from her thigh, but failed and fell against him. “We were…” she coughed when she brushed against the very obvious state of Chakotay’s arousal. Her hand quickly went to her hair to push it away from her face.

She halfheartedly tried to move away from him, when his arms wound around her tightly and pulled her closer. “... looking for a place to,” his voice lowered suggestively, “bunk for a while.” As he spoke, his right hand was doing things she tried desperately to ignore. “You seemed like you were heading for a place to stay.”

“I wasn’t!” The man angrily told them. He pointed, “there’s an alley over there. I’m sure it’s suitable for your activities.” He unlocked and disappeared through the door he stood near.

“Well then.” Kathryn shoved herself out of Chakotay’s arms. “Please tell me that’s a phaser in your pocket.”

“I wasn’t aware I’d need one.”

Kathryn groaned and dropped her head back. “I’m going to kill Tom.”

“Let’s leave the bloodshed until we get him home.” Chakotay kicked off the wall and stepped toward her. “Do you have a weapon?”

She shook her head, then looked down at the mini-skirt and halter top she wore. She lifted the skirt slightly and bent a leg, then looked at him. 

“That’s not a weapon.” He then nodded with a smirk, “it does work for me though.”

She gave a half sigh, half growl. “Chakotay my uniform works for you.” She shook her head and waved the topic away. “Let’s figure out a way in. Tom must be there somewhere.”

They walked to the door and tried many different ways to open it. Kathryn looked around for something pick the lock. 

“Kathryn.” When she glanced back he gestured for her to return to his side. With a flat expression, Chakotay simply turned the knob. And it opened.

Kathryn glared into Chakotay’s face, “”If this turns out to be what I think it is, we’ll train another pilot and leave Tom here. To rot.”

After easing the door opened, they crept down the staircase and found their wayward pilot. Playing Poker.

“Thomas! Eugene! Paris!

To his credit, the young man looked alternately startled, then guilty. “Uh, I gotta go guys.” He jumped up and eased to where his commanding officers--his very angry commanding officers-- stood.

“Is this the part where you ground me for the rest of my life?”

“Yes!” Kathryn yelled, “yes it is!” She grabbed a handful of his collar and shoved him up the stairs. “I have been looking everywhere for you! B’Elanna’s been worried sick!” They reached the top of the stairs and left the building.

Kathryn slapped the hidden combadge. “Voyager three to beam up. If you happen to lose Mister Paris’ pattern, I wouldn’t mourn too long.”

As they reappeared on the platform, Kathryn turned to Paris. “You are confined to quarters for the rest of your natural life!”

She stepped off the pad, then stopped. Brief indecision crossed her face, but was replaced by a wicked gleam. She turned, grabbed Chakotay’s arm, and snapped. “You are coming with me.”


	11. It's Not Always Like This

[INT Ready Room]  
[Captain Janeway sits at her desk reading a PADD. The door slides open to reveal Commander Chakotay. He strides in carrying a PADD of his own. His right wrist is in a cast. Janeway looks up and does a double take when she sees him.]

JANEWAY: What happened to you?

CHAKOTAY: I broke my wrist playing velocity this morning. Zigged when I should have zagged. [he shrugs his shoulder] Still lost the game. [He sits in the chair opposite her]

JANEWAY: Why didn’t you just have The Doctor mend the bone?

CHAKOTAY: He was busy. Ensign Wildman fixed me up. [He lifts the wrist in question]

[Janeway’s interest is piqued.

JANEWAY: He was busy with what?

CHAKOTAY: He’s found himself in the middle of an epidemic.

JANEWAY: [eyebrow lifts] Of?

CHAKOTAY: Nothing catastrophic. Neelix burned himself cooking breakfast, Chell cut himself when he went to help. B’Elanna slipped in the shower this morning and cracked a rib. Dalby fell off a horse…

[Janeway’s raised hand interrupted him]

JANEWAY: I get the idea. Hopefully all these minor calamities will be solved as soon as possible. We have to make a good impression on the Desu ambassador. The Desu are the first people in months who haven’t greeted us with phaser fire and I’d love to keep it that way.

CHAKOTAY: Well, Neelix is out as a cook, so maybe we got lucky there.

JANEWAY: Who is cooking? You said Chell was injured too.

CHAKOTAY: The Delaney twins?

JANEWAY: [rubs her forehead and sighs] Can they cook?

CHAKOTAY: Megan says she’s a scientist…

JANEWAY [interrupts. Says in a sharp voice] **I’m** a scientist. You’ve tasted my cooking.

CHAKOTAY: [starts to say something, but is interrupted by]

[OC]  
TUVOK: Tuvok to Captain Janeway

CHAKOTAY: Ah, the one time I’m glad he interrupted us.

JANEWAY: [taps her combadge while giving Chakotay a sarcastic look] Janeway here.

[OC]  
TUVOK: Captain, the Ambassador and I have just beamed from the surface. Shall we meet you in the Mess Hall?

JANEWAY:[starts to answer then closes her comm channel. To Chakotay] Is the Mess Hall safe?

CHAKOTAY: I… hope?

JANEWAY: Chakotay, this trade deal stands to gift us with over six months of leola root free food. I need more than, ‘I hope.’

CHAKOTAY: Yes?

JANEWAY: [sighs with a growl. Reopens her comm channel] Sorry, Tuvok. I dropped my combadge. [makes a face at her companion] Yes, we’ll meet you in the Mess Hall in fifteen minutes.

[OC]  
TUVOK: [deadpan, having obviously seen through her lie] Fifteen minutes. Yes, Captain. Tuvok out.

JANEWAY: [stands and walks around the desk] C’mon Commander, let’s get to the Mess Hall before all hell breaks loose.

[they walk through the bridge-side ready room doors and exit the room]

[INT Bridge]  
[Janeway and Chakotay pass through the bridge, en route to the turbolift]

JANEWAY: Harry you… [looks around] Where’s Ensign Kim?

OPS ENSIGN: He’s in…

JANEWAY: [interrupts] Let me guess. Sickbay. [lifts and drops her arms at her side.] Well, Ensign take the bridge until Beta Shift comes in.

OPS ENSIGN: Aye sir, er, ma’am. [nervously moves from around the OPS station] I mean, yes Captain.

JANEWAY: [nods, then continues to the turbolift. Both she and Chakotay step into the waiting car. Doors close]

[INT Turbolift]  
JANEWAY: Deck 2. [looks up and sighs] We’re all going to die.  
[fade out]

[Fade in]  
[INT Mess Hall]  
[There are splotches of food on the walls. Dishes are everywhere, People are running amok. In short chaos is reigning. Doors open. Janeway and Chakotay step inside]

JANEWAY: [stands open mouthed] What on earth?

CHAKOTAY: [steps from behind her and moves closer to the kitchen area. Finds Megan Delaney with one of Neelix’s aprons on stirring a pot of something the consistency of oatmeal. Jenny Delaney is digging through the cabinets. Two other crewmen are haplessly trying to catch something resembling eggs as they bounce all over the mess hall like rubber balls] You said you could cook.

MEGAN: I said I could try, Commander. There’s a big difference. [turns away from him] Jen, I need that leola root now!

JANEWAY: [rushes to the counter] No! I want to impress this Ambassador not kill him. And by the way he’s on his [the sound of doors opening] way.

[a plump looking fellow, not unlike Santa Clause, but wearing yellow comes around the corner]

JANEWAY: [turns quickly and puts on her best diplomatic face] Ambassador Dal.[sticks her hand out brightly] Welcome to Voyager. [something bounces off the top of her head. Her smile fades] It’s not always like this, I promise.

[The jolly man simply laughs, catches one of the bouncing eggs and hands it to Janeway.]

AMBASSADOR DAL: I think I shall like it here.


	12. What If I Don't See It?

“What if I don’t see it?” Kathryn asked as she scanned the horizon. The sun was setting and darkness was beginning to settle on the edges of the plains they stood on.

“You’ll see it, Kathryn.” Chakotay told her with a smile in his voice. He knew the time was right for the show the sky of Cilea V put on nightly at sundown. He lay his hands on her shoulders and slightly turned her to the west. “Right there,” he pointed to the sky just near the glow of the sinking sun.

Chakotay had been on the planet for the last two days negotiating a fuel trade deal and shore leave. Voyager planned to be in orbit for at least one month between mining for dilithium and shore leave opportunities. This was the first time in months that the captain had taken any appreciative time off the ship in some time and he was bound and determined that she would enjoy it and return relaxed and happy.

As the sun sank below the horizon, the event started. “There!” Chakotay pointed. The sky exploded into a riot of colors. Pink, purple, yellow, green; the aurora was bright and beautiful. “Make a wish.” he whispered in her ear. “The locals say to make a wish at the height of the burst is the easiest way for it to come true.”

“It’s beautiful,” Kathryn said. She didn’t give much credit to ephemeral things like wishing on candles, or stars, but caught in the moment, Kathryn did make a wish.

“It’s always beautiful.”

As the bright colors gave way to the encroaching darkness, Kathryn turned in Chakotay’s hold and realized he was watching her. She gave him a warm smile, dropped her head a touch, then stepped slightly back. Enough to break his hold, but not move too far from him. She met his eyes, “Did you make a wish.”

Chakotay brought his arm up, then rethought the action and lowered it, “I did.” He told her, then moved his arm again, this time gently brushing the hair from her face. “The same wish I’ve made each night since I learned of the tradition.”

“Has it come true?”

He smiled warmly. “I think it will. In time.”

“Mine too.”

She offered her hand, “walk me to the cabin, Commander?”


	13. I Didn’t Know It Would Be This Way

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Paraphrased this prompt because the actual phrasing simply refused to work with these characters.

Kathryn had just wriggled herself into the bustier of the costume she’d been all but ordered to wear when she heard the doors to her quarters slide open. With a groan, she rushed to close her bedroom doors. And locked them for good measure.

“Kathryn, you’ll have to come out eventually.” At the loudness of his voice, Kathryn realized he was standing at her doors.

“No!” She turned in front of the mirror and the skirt--or what there was of it--floated around and settled along her legs. “I can’t believe I agreed to this.” The costume that Tom had chosen for her consisted of a red and black leather bustier dress with two black drapes of material purporting to be the bottom of the dress. The fabric hung to the three inch spike pumps she was wearing. Her legs were fully visible, up to the bottom edge of the leather top. She wasn’t even going to talk about her breasts…

“Why did you agree to it?”

“I thought an all hallow’s eve party would be a good diversion.” She answered honestly. She stepped to the door and leaned against the wall. “That was before I saw the costume.”

With a bit of humor in his voice, Chakotay responded. “Kathryn, this is a costume party on the holodeck, planned by Tom Paris. What did you expect?”

“Well, I didn’t know it would be this way!” She snapped.

She heard his laughter through the door. “And here I thought you knew Tom. You are the mother of his children.”

The corner of her lips drew upward. She opened the doors and leaned against the frame, “Says the man who left them alone on a distant planet, you heartless bastard.” With that, she sashayed past him into the living room and plopped down onto the couch. She wasn’t going to lie to herself, seeing him in his costume was making the idea of staying in, rather appealing. She draped her arms across the top of her couch and crossed her legs as he approached.

He laughed as he walked, “They’re fine on that planet and you know it.” He slid the dark cloak from his costume off and sat down next to her. “You know you and Tom created a new species.”

She turned on her hip and let one of her feet trail against his black-pants clad calf. “Does that bother you?”

“Immensely.” He leaned forward intent on her neck. He was a vampire, after all.

Kathryn stopped him with a hand on his chest. “No. We should at least make an appearance at this damned party.”

With a groan, Chakotay sat back. “You realize that your,” he pointed in the general direction of the design in the red leather barely covering her breasts, “matches mine.”

It did. The swirl pattern of her leather trim, was the same as the design on the vest that covered the crisp loose white shirt he wore. “Mmhm, I suspect the ‘kids’ are up to their old tricks.” She said as she twisted the string tie that was loose at his collar.

“We should go,” Chakotay told her as his hand inched farther up her leg, “pretend to be oblivious. As usual.” 

Kathryn smirked as the wandering fingers reached the inside of her thigh. She lifted her leg and pressed her black heel against his chest forcing him back. “Five years, Commander.”

He picked up her leg, took the shoe off and began to rub her foot. “Lover if you need it,” his voice lowered.

She pulled herself away from him and stood, arms crossed. “Do I look like I need a lover?”

“At the moment?” He rolled up and off the couch, “Gods yes.”

She stepped back as he reached for her. “Party! Chakotay. If we don’t show up, they’ll ask our whereabouts and the computer will helpfully tell them we’re together.”

“So their plan worked.”

“They don’t need to know that! We’ll never hear the end of it.”


	14. I Can't Come Back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today's story will follow at some point today. Apologies for being a day late. I got sidetracked last night.

_ I can’t come back._ Those words were feeding her nightmares. Kathryn sighed and walked to her replicator for yet another cup of coffee that Chakotay would chide her about having in the middle of the night. She desperately wished he were there to do just that. She took the hot cup of comfort and sat on her couch. She curled into the corner and pulled the blanket over her lap.

From her vantage point in Voyager’s current orbital position, she could see the planet below, resplendent in blues and greens. Not unlike Earth. Except the continents were the wrong shape. She took a drink, then sat the cup onto the small table. She fingered the combadge in her hand. Trying to decide if she wanted to contact him or not. 

Would he be asleep? Or was he as awake as she was at this hour? She knew it was night time on the side of Donus where the hospital that he and the rest of the away team were currently staying was located.

The day before yesterday, she had sent Chakotay planetside with Ayala, B’Elanna, and Neelix to complete a trade supply trade deal. Little did any of them know she was sending the team into a plague-ridden city desperate for any food and medicine its people could find. Mike had been the first to fall ill. Chakotay, B’Elanna, and Neelix quickly followed. Because of the virulent speed at which the virus spread, it was decided to send The Doctor to them.

The fatality rate for the local Donans was high. What it would be like for two humans, a half-Klingon, and a Talaxian none of them could be sure. It was taking every strength she had to stay on the ship. She wanted to be down there. Helping to find a cure; to support her crewmembers. Needing to be with… 

She startled when her combadge chirped. She pressed her thumb down to activate it. “Janeway here.”

_I didn’t wake you, did I?_

She smiled. Clearly the man had a sixth sense when it came to her. “No. I was just wondering if you were awake. How are you feeling?”

_I’ve certainly felt better. _

“Has the doctor found a cure yet?” She asked, while she picked nervously on the fringe of the blanket over her lap.

There was a hesitation, that I’m sure he hoped she hadn’t noticed. _He won’t stop until he does._

She tried desperately to keep the fear out of her voice. “How long does he have?”

_Unknown with our biology. It takes a week before fatality occurs with the Donans._ His voice sounded tired, deeper than usual, congested. _it could be longer. It could be shorter… or it may not kill us._

Kathryn closed her eyes and sent her fervent hope into the universe. “Five years suddenly feels like forever.” she whispered.

_I’ll come back to you._

“You can’t promise me that.” she told him, her voice much heavier than she wanted it to be.

_If not this life, then…_

“Don’t… say that.” She snapped. Then regretted it. “I’m… sorry.” She drew a deep breath and brushed away tears she knew he knew were there. “Try and get some sleep. I’m going to contact The Doctor and see if I can offer any help in the way of resources.”

_Kathryn I’m sorry._

She turned and dropped her feet to the floor. She propped both elbows on her legs and held the communication device tight. Like it was a lifeline. “No,” she whispered, “I’m sorry. I just… I can’t think about that right now. I need to focus on getting you four cured and home.” She dropped her head, “Chakotay you know I--”

He interrupted, _I know. I hope you know too._

She swallowed the threatening sob and tried desperately to avoid thinking that this seemed entirely too much like goodbye. “I do know.” She knew the heaviness in her voice betrayed her emotions. She cleared her throat. “Sleep. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

_Goodnight, Kathryn._ She heard the channel close and swallowed hard before hailing her EMH.

-

Four days later Kathryn stood in front of the transporter pad and wrung her hands. Her conversation with Voyager’s CMO had led to a collaboration between the scientists on board and planetside. Within two days, they’d developed not only a cure, but a vaccine as well. Her crew was well on their way back to health. Not quite there yet, but no longer contagious and ready to finish their recuperation in their own beds.

The tech let her know they’d be transporting aboard at any moment. Kathryn pulled herself together, straightened and hid away her emotions. 

Once transport completed and she could see that everyone was in one piece and on both feet, Kathryn smiled. “Welcome home. To bed, all of you. That’s an order.”

-

Later that evening, Kathryn pressed the chime and clutched the wine she held. Once the doors opened, she stepped in. “Hi. Feeling better?”

Chakotay took the bottle from her and smiled. “Much. I’ll be back to work on the day after tomorrow. Hopefully, I’m not too far behind.”

She smiled and held the glasses out for him to fill. “You’re all caught up. Lucky for you, your captain is a workaholic.”

“Kathryn you didn’t have to do that.” He took his glass and walked to the couch.

She followed. “You’ve done it enough for me.” She smiled and sat. “It gave me something to do while I sat up petrified that I was never going to see you again.” She sat her glass down. “I needed to know I could do it on my own.” She looked him in the eye, “please don’t do that to me again.”

He took her hand, “I don’t intend to, but you know I can’t promise, we can’t promise that. Not on a starship in uncharted space.”

“Three years.” Kathryn squeezed his hand.

He gave her a confused look. “What?”

“I don’t want to wait five years. Too much could happen.” She lifted her hand and drifted a finger across the lines of his tattoo. “Three years, or we get home. Whichever comes first.” 

His brow furrowed in confusion, no doubt, of her turnaround. “Kathryn?”

She pressed her hand on his lips and looked him in the eye. “You’re alive.” She traced his lips and husked just above a whisper. “Show me.”

He pressed a kiss against her fingers and wrapped her tightly in his arms. “Three years.” He captured her lips in a gentle kiss and stood with her in his arms. “Aye, Captain,” he mumbled against her lips as he carried her into his bedroom.


	15. That's What I'm Talking About

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still a day behind. I'll get caught up eventually. This one was another struggle for some reason. It's not the best story, but *shrug*

Kathryn bent over the pool table and lined up her shot. She still had four balls on the table, and this was game three of her set. She was winning, barely. Her opponent was giving her quite a run for her money. She’d never pegged him for a pool player. Let alone a good one.

“C’mon, Captain.” She heard the voice behind her. “You can’t let the Maquis beat us again.” She rolled her eyes and took the shot. Easily sinking the ball. “Relax,” she turned. “I can play this table in my sleep. He hasn’t got a chance.”

“Yeah, but he’s the best player they’ve put up.”

She quickly turned, “Tom. You are not helping.” She stepped to her teammate in the tournament. “Sit down, get a drink, and shut up. That’s an order.”

Kathryn turned back to the table. She took a moment to observe the new locations of the balls before chalking the tip of her cue. She looked at her foe and gave him a smug grin. It took her less than five minutes to sink all but the eight ball.

Her opponent leaned against the table and regarded her with his dark eyes thinned with a competitive glare. “House rule. If you miss this shot, you automatically forfeit the game.”

She stood and stepped up to him, toe to toe. She leaned on her cue, other hand on her hip. “Would you care to bet on that, Mister Ayala?”

He met her glare, “One month of your coffee rations goes to me if I win.”

His comment was met with silence in the room.

Kathryn upped her glare. He was good. She gave him a slight smirk. But he wasn’t that good. “If I win, I get both your rations **and** your holodeck privileges for a month.” Her eyebrow raised. “Do you really want to take that chance?”

Chakotay stepped up next to his friend, “Mike. You are playing with fire.”

“I can take her, Chakotay.”

“You are an idiot.”

Kathryn smirked. “He’s going to be a hungry bored idiot when he loses.” She turned to her opponent and held out her hand, “well?”

Ayala took her hand and shook on the bet.

Kathryn moved back to the table, lined up her shot. And missed.

“Son of a bitch.” Kathryn slammed her hand down on the table.

Amid the cheers and laughter, Ayala crossed his arms smugly. “You were saying?”

Chakotay groaned because he knew that meant he’d be saying goodbye to his rations. Because Kathryn in caffeine withdrawal was not a pretty sight. He leaned over his friend’s shoulder and whispered, “you couldn’t have let her win?”

MIke clapped Chakotay on the shoulder and whispered back, “I’ll let you have some of her rations.”

“That’s good, because a caffeinated Captain, keeps us all out of trouble.”

“Yep.” Mike snickered. “That’s what I’m talkin’ about.”


	16. Listen. No, Really Listen

Kathryn looked up as the doors to her ready room slid open unannounced. Chakotay entered, intent on a PADD. He looked up, startled, took in her appearance and immediately about-faced and moved back toward the door.

With a bewitching grin, Kathryn lay a hand on her hip. Keeping with the air of the day, she commanded, “Heel!”

Chakotay stopped, arced his head back to look at her, then turned and laughed. He moved back toward her and gave her an exaggerated bow. “Your Majesty.” He straightened and moved closer. “What are you doing here?”

Kathryn stepped in front of her desk and leaned back against it. “I had some work to do and there’s only an hour left in Alpha shift, so I thought I’d just come straight up.”

“What needs to be done that I can’t do?” He pulled at her hand and bent to place a kiss upon it’s back, “milady.”

Kathryn rolled her eyes and pulled from his grasp. “Oh, stop it.” She stepped behind her desk, and sat in the chair. “For one, I need to write a report about...today’s misadventure. I’ve started it.” She stood again, PADD in hand. “Listen…”

“You came up here so I could see you in that dress.”

Kathryn snorted. “In your dreams, Commander.” She held up the data device again, “No. Really, listen… Chakotay, my eyes are up here.”

He grinned like the proverbial cat. “I’m sorry. It’s distracting.”

She swatted him on the arm with the PADD. “Get out of here. Let me write this damned report.”

-

Forty-five minutes later, the ready room doors opened and Queen Arachnia stepped out and eased herself onto her throne… er captain’s chair. She tossed a PADD over the console where it landed in Chakotay’s lap. “Add anything into the report that you think I missed.”

He thumbed it on and read it; added a line, then tossed it back.

She regarded him with a look, then read his comment and started laughing.

_Don’t recycle that dress._


	17. There Is Just Something About Them.

Holodeck Two was set up for Tom’s latest morale boosting party. The theme of the night was 1950’s Sock Hop. Tom was standing in an appropriately (as far as he knew) decorated high school gym. He had given everyone an outline on what the fashion was for these types of dances and told them they could choose their own costume from that guide.

He himself was wearing a black T-shirt, blue jeans rolled at the cuff, white socks and black and white saddle shoes. His hair was slicked back in the style of the era and he was tapping his foot to the peppy music. B’Elanna walked up to him wearing a full skirt, called a poodle skirt. She was resplendent in pinks and greys. Not the colors he would have expected her to choose. But, they looked amazing on her, so he wasn’t complaining. “Hiya, Doll.” 

“Call me ‘Doll’ one more time, I’ll break your nose.”

With a chuckle, Tom noticed the design on her skirt, “Is that the warp core?”

She grinned, “Yes. The specifications said anything I wanted could be on the skirt.” She twirled, “it’s a bit too fluffy for me, but I like it.” 

The unmistakable sound of the holodeck doors opening caught his attention. The Captain and Chakotay had come in looking looking like, well, the leads in that Grease movie he’d shown a couple weeks ago. They’d liked it so much it spawned the idea for this party.

“I would totally go for him if he wasn’t already taken.” The wistful voice came from the person who’d draped herself over the back of Tom’s shoulders. He turned his head and furrowed his brows at the blonde woman. “Who said he’s taken, Meg.”

“I’m Jen, Meggy’s with Harry.” She slid onto the bar they stood near.

“Bullshit, Meg.You can’t pull that trick with me anymore. I know you both too well.” Tom pointed to the scar on the twin’s cheek.

She rolled her eyes, took a pretzel from B’Elanna and grinned. She lowered and spoke in a conspiratorial tone, “Did you not notice that they walked in holding hands.”

His head quickly whipped to their commanding officers as they walked, not holding hands, to a table. He saw Chakotay pull out a chair for the captain and then walk off to presumably get drinks. Nothing out of the ordinary. “You’re seeing things.”

Megan kicked out at him, “you’re on the bridge with them every day, Mister Observant, what have you observed.”

“Nothing more than the usual flirt--” Tom stopped talking as Chakotay approached the bar. “Commander.” He smiled at the older man. “Nice outfit. It suits you.”

Chakotay looked down at the ensemble he wore. Black leather jacket, white t-shirt, and jeans. He shrugged. “It’s comfortable.” He turned to the bartender. “Two beers, please.”

“I bet the captain likes it.” Tom grinned, then huffed when B’Elanna punched him in the side.

Chakotay gave the young man a look that could be conveyed as a warning, then took the two glasses back to his table.

Megan leaned forward and plopped her chin on Tom’s shoulder, “God I would so do him.” She reached past Tom and grabbed another pretzel. “Hell I’d do her too. I’m not picky. I mean, I am picky, but I’m not gender picky.” 

“Thanks Megan. I didn’t need to have that image in my wet dreams.” Tom told her flatly.

B’Elanna groaned. “You are still a pig.”

Tom leaned to press a kiss against her forehead. “Yeah, but I’m your pig.”

With a huff, B’Elanna shoved him away. “That’s negotiable.”

“Dance with me, B’Elanna.” Tom reached for her when a slow song started.

The half-Klingon rolled her eyes, brushed past him and smiled at the blonde on the bar. “C’mon Meg. Let’s dance.”

The two moved to the dance floor and started to sway to the music. Mostly they were dancing to annoy Paris. After a couple lines of the song, the taller blonde noticed the pair dancing off to her right. She slightly turned them, then whispered. “At your two o’clock.”

B’Elanna surreptitiously glanced and saw their commanding officers dancing. Closely. Intimately. “There **is** something about them.” She whispered. 

“Yes,” Megan whispered, “they’ve had sex.”

“That was blunt.” the smaller woman snorted. “How can you tell.”

“You see them more often than I do, you know them; you’re friends with them. How can you **not** tell?” Megan whispered sharply.

“Well, he’s as obvious as the ridges on my forehead,” B’Elanna replied. “Everyone knows that. But she keeps him at arm’s length, which drives me crazy. He’s a good man.”

“Well, they’re not at arm’s length now.” Megan snickered. “If I was a school principal I’d be standing between them with a measuring stick.”

“Huh,” the smaller woman looked closer. “You’ve got a point.”

“So when do you think it happened?”

Megan grinned, “therein lies the mystery.”


	18. Secrets? I love Secrets.

Kathryn took a sip of the drink she’d been nursing. Beer was not her first choice for alcoholic beverage, but in keeping with the theme of the party, she’d rolled with it. She was on her second glass. Likely she’d switch to either a soft drink, or perhaps water with the next. Kathryn watched as members of her crew danced and enjoyed themselves. She loved seeing them have fun. She herself was having an enjoyable time. She owed that to her ‘date’ for the evening.

Speaking of, Kathryn watched as Chakotay danced with one of the Delaney twins. She wasn’t sure which one, at that distance it was hard to tell. As their captain, she should probably be able to tell the twins apart. Inwardly she smirked as the thought passed through her mind that she could always ask Tom how he tells them apart. She sat up as two people sat down at her table.

“Are you really letting him dance with Megan Delaney?” B’Elanna Torres observed as she sat.

“That is very brave of you.” Samantha Wildman echoed.

Kathryn laughed. “I’m not ‘letting’ him to anything. He’s a big boy. He can do what he wants. Dance with who he wants.”

Sam grinned, “sounds an awful lot like someone who’s secure in her relationship.”

Kathryn lifted an eyebrow and gave Sam a look that said, tread lightly. She leaned forward, grabbed a pretzel and took a bite. “I am not in a relationship.” Her gaze again moved to the dance floor. “But I’ll tell you a secret.”

“Secret?” Sam asked, intrigued.

B’Elanna leaned forward, “I love secrets.”

Kathryn leaned back in her chair, lifted the glass to her lips and took a deep draw from the golden liquid. She sat the glass down with a thud. “If I were in a relationship, which I’m not, but if I were, I would be very confident,” she glanced again to the dance floor, “that that,” she pointed, ‘would not bother me.” She turned back to the two women at the table and grinned smugly, “in the least.” 

She sat straight and turned to her table companions. “But that does not go past this table.” She pointed to her chief engineer, “it especially does not go near Tom. Because once he hears it will be all over the ship and I do not want that.” Kathryn’s voice lowered. “Because there’s nothing to talk about. Things have to happen first.”

“What things?”

“We have to get home.”

“Captain,” B’Elanna started to protest, but was halted when Kathryn lifted her hand. 

Kathryn lowered her hand to her friend’s and gave it a gentle squeeze. “It’s okay. We’ve spoken about it.” She tapped the back of B’Elanna’s hand and glanced to the other occupant of the table. “That is also a secret. Please.”

“It won’t leave this table.” Samantha told her, “but, if you ever need to talk, you know where I live.”

“Same here.” B’Elanna told her. “And I promise the big mouth will hear nothing from me.” She leaned forward, “but be careful. He’s always watching. Always listening.”

“Oh, I know. Believe me, I know.” Kathryn’s eyes glinted with mischief, “why do you think I put an anonymous bet in on his pool about us.” She smirked and straightened the full skirt of the navy blue polka-dotted halter dress she wore. ‘It’ll serve him right, and keep me supplied with coffee for years.”

“Oh, you’re good,” the half-Klingon snickered.

Chakotay stepped up behind Kathryn and tapped a hand on her bare shoulder, his thumb barely edging the wide strap. “You want to leave the kids to really start their party?”

“MMhmm,” Kathryn nodded and stood. “I have an early shift tomorrow, anyway.” She turned and looped her arm though Chakotay’s. She stopped and glanced back at B’Elanna. “Of course, I’m good. I am the captain.”

She gave the two women a passing wink as she and Chakotay turned and walked out of the holodeck.


	19. Yes, I Admit It, You Were Right.

“Yes, I admit it, you were right.” Kathryn smiled as they stopped in front of her door. “I had a good time tonight.” Her door slid open at her code. She nodded to her companion, “come in for a night cap?”

He agreed, stepping in behind her. “I enjoyed Tom’s party too.” He laughed softly, “though I think it will take forever to get this goop out of my hair.”

Kathryn grinned, “It’s not a bad look on you, Chakotay.” She pulled two glasses out of her small cabinet and opened the bottle of wine she retrieved from the counter. Walking back to the table, she sat the glasses down, then filled them with the deep red liquid.

“Sláinte” 

Chakotay smiled and echoed the toast with a tap of his glass to hers. He took a sip of the wine and reached to wrap a tendril of her extended ponytailed hair around the forefinger of his free hand. “I’ve missed your long hair.” 

Kathryn stepped closer and glanced down. “I know.” she whispered softly, “It’s easier to handle day to day when I can simply comb and go.” She lifted her hand to pull at the hair and tangled her fingers with his. Her gaze moved to his, “and maybe I didn’t want the temptation.”

Chakotay cleared his throat and stepped back. Yes. Temptation. He took a large gulp of the wine. “I should… I should probably go. We do have the early shift.”

She nodded and stepped back. “Yes… we do.” She absently ran a hand through the wisps of hair that had escaped the ribbon. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

Chakotay smiled. He reached and drifted a finger down her cheek. “Goodnight, Kathryn.”

She nodded, “sleep well,”

As the door closed behind him she closed her eyes, took a deep breath and blew it out. She drank the last of her wine in one gulp, then escaped into her bedroom for the night.

-

Chakotay covered the yawn as he sat and pulled up the days rota on the small console next to him. Kathryn wasn’t there yet, but he expected she would be soon. He’d slept well after the admittedly cold shower he took.

He heard the aft lift door open and Harry called her arrival. A habit she had yet to break the young ensign of. Chakotay straightened and turned when she came around the corner. “Good morn…” he was momentarily taken aback. She’d left her hair long and had it styled in a low ponytail. The way she wore it a couple years ago. His smile broadened. “Good morning, Captain.”

She turned his way and flashed him a warm grin. “Good morning, Commander.” She propped her chin on her hand, “How does today look?”  
“Beautiful.” he responded, then realized he’d said that out loud. “I mean quiet.” He ducked his head to hide his smile. “It’s a quiet day.”

Kathryn laughed and tapped his arm. Then looked forward and noticed Tom Paris staring at them. “Eyes front, Ensign Paris. We wouldn’t want to hit a planet.”

“Right. Sorry.” Tom spun in his seat. Started tapping his console as he whistled.

Kathryn grinned, turned, gave Chakotay a wink and then began her day.


	20. You Could Talk About It, You Know

Kathryn walked into the Mess Hall and noticed that Chakotay sat in a darkened corner at a table with B’Elanna and Mike Ayala. She could tell by their demeanor it was not a happy gathering. She saw them raise a toast and drink. She moved to the replicator and ordered herself some dinner, before moving to a table on the opposite side of the room. Whatever it was, it was a private affair, and she’d leave them to it.

She was in the middle of her salad when the chair opposite hers was pulled out. She looked up from the report she was reading and smiled at the man who’d joined her. Her smile faded when she noted his glum expression. She reached a hand out and tapped his. “Are you alright?”

“I will be,” Chakotay answered with a heavy sigh.

“You could talk about it, you know?” She prompted. “I’ve heard rumors that I’ve got a comfortable pair of shoulders for a friend to lean on.”

He gave her a wan smile. “Today is the second anniversary of the end of the Maquis.”

“Oh,” Kathryn mouthed. She scooted her salad out of the way and moved to the seat closer to her dear friend. She took his hand and squeezed it between hers. “What do you need? What does your crew need?”

He glanced at her, “my crew?”

She nodded. “In this case, yes.” She rubbed his back. “Our crews have blended to the point of indistinguishability, but this is something that we ‘fleeters won’t truly understand.”

“I think we need time to honor friends and… family lost.”

“What about a memorial service?” Kathryn moved her hand back to his. “We’re in quiet space, for once. Let’s spend a couple days at an all-stop, so that as many of our crew that wants can attend a service.”

“I’d like to let my crew create a standing memorial, something physical to visit.”

Kathryn smiled. “In the hydroponics bay. Kes’ little park would be the perfect place. She’d like that.” She absently drifted her thumb across the back of his hand, “use whatever resources you need. We’re good enough on supplies right now we can spare enough for a small sculpture or a plaque. Whatever you decide.”

“Thank you, Kathryn.” Chakotay lay his free hand over hers.

She gave him a sympathetic smile. “I’ve got the rest of a bottle of wine in my quarters. If you need to talk my shoulders and I happen to be free tonight.”

Chakotay pulled his hands away and sat back. “I have a better idea. I need to be active. How about some velocity.”

Kathryn took one last bite of her salad, finished off her coffee, and stood. “You’re on. I do believe you owe me a rematch.”

Chakotay took picked up the dirty dishes from the table and put them in to recycle as they stepped past. As they walked to their respective quarters, Kathryn reserved the holodeck for their game.

-

A week later, a memorial dedicated to those lost in the Cardassian advancement, the lost Maquis, and the lost Voyagers was dedicated with a small ceremony. It was decided that the Hydroponics Bay would be from then on known as Memorial Garden and would be open to everyone from the highest ranked officer to civilian.


	21. Change is Annoyingly Difficult

The doors to the ready room slid open and Chakotay stepped tentatively into the room. “Captain?” he asked, treading carefully. She’d stormed into her office an hour ago in a barely suppressed rage and he thought that by now she might have cooled off. When his question received a growl for a response, he realized that thought had been futile.

The doors slid closed behind him as he stepped deeper into her sanctuary. “Captain?” he asked again, not seeing her at first.

“What?” Came the snapping reply from the direction of her couch,

“I’m just…”

“Checking on me?” She snapped. “I don’t need a babysitter Chakotay.”

Well, she’d used his first name. That was a good sign. Maybe. “I never said you did?”

“Starfleet seems to think so,” she grumbled.

He stepped her way, “well you did get lost on a shakedown cruise in a brand new class ship.” He neatly dodged the PADD that sailed in his direction.

“Let’s not forget I was chasing your ass when we got lost.” The corner of her mouth tipped up slightly.

He laughed and spread his arms in supplication. “Well you caught me.” He sat beside her, “so what was on that projectile you sent flying past me?”

She took a deep breath, “Now that we’re in semi-regular contact with Starfleet, they want me to spell out everything; run everything past them.”

His face lit with realization, “ah, you’re not on top of the food chain anymore.”

She growled. “I hate it.”

He snickered, “Change is annoyingly difficult.”

“They’re not happy my first officer is the fugitive I was sent to arrest.”

She dropped the bomb rather bluntly and it sobered his humor quickly. “What does that mean?” Chakotay asked, sharper than he’d intended.

Kathryn rubbed her forehead, which signaled a headache coming on. She pointed to the PADD on the floor, “It reads suspicious. I think they think you intimidated me.”

He stood, immediately angry. “Have they actually met Captain Kathryn Janeway?” That they think he’d effectively took part in a subtle mutiny reminded him of why he’d left Starfleet in the first place.

She sighed, “just read it, please? Maybe I’m projecting too much into their request.”

Chakotay went to pick up, then thumbed on the device and read the missive. “They want a list of all the Maquis onboard and what jobs we’re doing.” The implications could go either way. “Maybe Starfleet is trying to compile a list of crew and their positions.” 

“I don’t like that Hayes referred to you all as my “Maquis problem.” She sighed, “It bothers me.” She reached across to his hand, “I’m concerned about how they’ll feel about our relationship.”

He shook his head, “We don’t have a relationship, strictly speaking.”

She gave him a wry look, “who are we kidding?” She glanced down, then back to him. “We’ve made promises. We’ve jumped way past the line of protocol.” She stood and moved to the viewport. “Until we know that any relationship we have wouldn’t be regarded as coercion, perhaps we should step back.”

He stood and walked to her. He lay his hands on her shoulders and held her for a moment. He lowered and pressed a kiss atop her head. “If you think it best.” He turned her, “but Kathryn, I will not back down on my promise to you; on our promises to each other. Two years, now. If we still have to wait once we get home, we will. I will.”

“Chakotay, I don’t…” He stopped the protest with fingers against her lips

He threaded his fingers through her hair and cupped her head close, “Don’t you dare tell me you don’t want me to wait.”

She closed her eyes and lay her head against his chest. “I will work night and day until I know all of our,” She met his eyes, “**our** Maquis are exonerated.”

He tightened his embrace, then stepped away. “I’m going to compile a list of our entire crew’s positions and send Starfleet all of our crew evaluations. I’m not differentiating between 'Fleet and Maquis. If they want to know about us, they need to know Voyager’s crew.”

Kathryn smiled and nodded. “You do that Commander.” She took a deep settling breath and stepped to her desk. “I’m going to work on convincing them that your crew has performed beyond any expectations and should be given commendations, not condemnations.”

Chakotay nodded as he turned for the door. He turned back, “Whatever happens, Kathryn, I’ll always have your back.” His eyes glinted mischievously, “if that means stealing the ship and heading back into the Delta Quadrant I do have the experience.”

Kathryn laughed. “I’ll keep that in mind, Commander.” She gestured toward the door. “Now get back to work.”

“Aye Captain,” he said as he passed through the doors.


	22. We Could Have A Chance

Something loudly popped and sent a shower of sparks from behind a panel just next to where she was crawling. She jumped, screeched and moved to the opposite edge of the jeffries tube. She leaned against the wall to catch her breath and wipe the sweat from her forehead. All of these problems were frustrating and they still had no idea what was causing them.

“Kathryn!”

She turned her head at the sound of her name. “I’m okay.” She assured in a tone loud enough for Chakotay to hear. “Another damned conduit exploded. Just over my head.” Kathryn saw him crawl around the corner. She draped an arm over her leg. “It startled me,” she pulled her head away as he grabbed her cheek to look for an injury. “I’m not hurt.”

Now calmed, Kathryn moved forward and pried open the panel to look at the damage. “I wish I knew what was overloading these.” She tapped her combadge, “Janeway to Torres”

_Torres here_

“B’Elanna, we’ve had another conduit blow in jeffries tube thirty-seven, around the corner from the fifth intersect.”

_It just showed up on my sensors. That’s the sixth one in that tube in the last hour. I wish I knew what was overloading that specific section._

“I’m looking at the most recent one.” Kathryn reached inside to pull out the affected part, just as a high pitched whine began. At the same time, both B’Elanna and Chakotay called her name. Suddenly several things happened at once.

Kathryn was thrown roughly to the grated floor of the tube as a much larger explosion rocked the tube and the heavy body of her first officer landed atop her, along with, it seemed, the rest of the tunnel. She coughed some of the grime from her lungs and lay still for a moment, assessing her injuries. So far, the only pain seemed to be from her hard landing on the rough surface. Her next concern was the man who lay over her.

“Chakotay.” Nothing. She could feel his heartbeat. It was rapid, but there. Kathryn was thankful he lay at an angle where she could still breath. She wriggled her arms free and pressed both hands against his cheeks. “Chakotay!” She called louder. When he didn’t respond, she began a tentative exploration of his body for injuries.

What she found, well, felt along his back wasn’t good. His uniform was in tatters and her hand was now covered in blood. She pressed her combadge. It was unresponsive. Of course. She clenched her eyes closed, swallowing the fear and breathed deeply. The unmistakable smell of burned flesh told her what sort of injuries Chakotay had. Perhaps it was for the best that he was unconscious.

So naturally he started stirring and groaned in pain. He tried to push up but Kathryn immediately grabbed his upper arms. “Chakotay. Stay still.” She softly told him.

“I need to mo..” he stopped mid-sentence as the full force of the pain hit him and he let out a tortured cry.

Kathryn’s hands went back to his face. “Hey, look at me.” She smiled when his eyes met hers. “Hi. You’re okay.” She blinked as a tear ran down her temple. “Focus on me. I know you like to do that.”

“Kath…” He dropped his head and jerked, “Gods… hurts.” He lifted, “what...happened… t’me?”

Kathryn moved her hand and with a sickening lurch realized she’d smeared blood across his face.. “The entire pipeline blew. You… I think you’ve got severe burns.” She craned her neck upward to look further down the access tube and saw it was blocked as well. They would have to be dug out. With the problems Voyager had been having she didn’t want to trust the transporters and hoped B’Elanna came to the same conclusion. 

She refocused on the man over her when he let out a cry. She caressed his face, “I know.” She lifted and pressed kisses over his tears. “I’m sorry. I can’t reach The Doctor. Comms are down.” She tried to keep the emotion out of her voice. The last thing he needed was to hear her crying because he was in so much pain.

She needed to find a medkit. She looked back again, then lifted to try looking over his shoulders. There had to be a way to get through. “Chakotay,” she leaned her face against his. “I’m going to try to...if I can find help, we could have a chance to get out of here.” His only response was a pain-filled moan. She began to hope he’d pass out again. Hearing his pain was causing her more pain than she ever thought she could bear.

She knew she had to inch carefully out from under him. “I need to get out from under you.” She looked around her to find the quickest, least painful way for him. Unfortunately, the best way was to scoot upward.

She felt him grunt as he shifted. “Go.”

“No. Don’t move.” She told him, “I’ll do this.”

He slowly propped himself on one extremely shaky arm. “Go!” he gruffed at her.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” she said through her own crying.

“Dammit… Kathryn”

She nodded, squelched her tears and took a deep breath. She inched away from him, stopping when he cried out. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” she repeated as she moved. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity she was free. She rolled and sat, easing him down on his stomach.

She closed her eyes to hide the horror when she saw the extent of his burns. His entire back looked as though flames hit him directly. She rapidly swallowed to hold in the bile that threatened. She drifted her hand through his hair and noticed he’d finally lost consciousness again. She leaned to press a kiss at the center of his tattoo. “I love you,” she whispered as her tears began again. She shook off the very real fear that he could die before she was able to get help. “I’ll be back with help.”

Looking each way, she tried to determine the path of least resistance. Down the way they’d come seemed less blocked. She knew there was a medkit on the next level in the vertical tunnel around the corner.

She rounded the corner and found herself looking at a solid wall of damaged bulkhead. “Fuck,” she exclaimed as she pounded her hand against the blockage. With communications out, Kathryn finally settled on the good old fashioned yelling for help. She knew B’Elanna knew where they were, but perhaps someone was closer.

With no response, she crawled back to Chakotay. He was still out, so she lay down against him. She reached and pressed a gentle finger at his neck, reassuring herself that his heart was still beating. She noted with rise of fear that the beat was slower. Erratic.

“I need you to stay with me, Chakotay,” she whispered softly. She pillowed her head on the arm she lay on. She laid her hand on his shoulder, his arm, his face. Anywhere she could touch. She wanted him to feel her. To know she was with him. “Help is coming.” She fervently hoped.

She must have fallen asleep.

Kathryn opened her eyes to the brightness of sickbay. She sat quickly and looked around. She was halfway across the floor, when The Doctor stopped her. “Where is he?”

“His injuries were severe..”

“Doctor,” she interrupted, “you’d better not be telling me,” her voice hitched, “he’s gone.”

The EMH stood taller as he realized the impact of his words. “Oh! No. I’m sorry Captain.” he lay a gentle hand on her arm and led her to a curtained off biobed. “He will recover.”

She squelched the sob and straightened. She shook off the emotion and hid behind her command wall. Her voice was stronger when she spoke again. “His burns?”

“I’ve healed Commander Chakotay’s other injuries. The burns are being treated and new skin will be regenerated.” The Doctor explained. “There will be minimal scarring. I hope he’ll understand that,” the hologram uncharacteristically glanced down, “as extensive as the burns were, even I can’t …”

Kathryn lay a supportive hand on her friend’s arm. “I’m sure he’ll understand. You did the best you could.” She glanced at the curtain. “Can I see him?”

The Doctor nodded. “Of course.” He held aside the curtain and allowed Kathryn to slip in.

-

Kathryn pressed the chime and waited. The doors slid open and she stepped in. Chakotay started to stand as she stepped in. She shook her head to stop him. “No. Sit.” He’d only been out of sickbay for three days and was still on medical leave. “How are you feeling?”

“Some days are better than others. Today has been a painful one, but I feel better seeing you.” He answered with a smile.

“Flattery will get you everywhere with me, Commander.” She grinned as she set the tray down. “I debated on which was the lesser of two evils tonight. Neelix’s cooking or mine.” She shrugged. “I settled on mine.” She made a face, “hopefully I chose correctly.”

Chakotay laughed. “I’m sure it’ll be fine.” He eased to a stand and slowly moved to her.

At the wince on his face, she grasped his arm, “alright?”

He nodded. “Sometimes it catches me off guard.” He pulled out a chair and sat, careful not to lean back. “Doc says it may be a few days before the pain fully dissipates.” He took the glass of wine Kathryn handed him. “I’m due a pain reliever in a couple of hours.”

She smiled and distributed their dinner. Simple mushroom soup and salad. She settled and lay a napkin across her lap. “After dinner, I’ll help you with the ointment.”

“You don’t have to do keep doing that,” he protested.

She sighed, She’d been helping him apply the medicinal cream to the healing skin since he’d left sickbay. “How exactly are you going to reach the middle of your back?”

His head lowered. She knew he hated feeling like he was depending on her, but dammit this is what marriage was. Kathryn nearly choked on her soup when she realized where her mind had gone.

“You okay?” He asked, a concerned look on his face.

“Fine.” The words tumbled out. “I’m fine.” She picked up her wine glass and took a rather healthy drink. Was that what this was? No. She quickly, mentally chided herself. No. It’s what friendship was. What friends do for other friends. Right.

Who was she kidding?


	23. You Can’t Give More Than Yourself

Chakotay sat in the dimmed lighting of Sickbay and watched the woman who slept fitfully on the biobed he sat near. She had scared him that day. He’d had no choice but to let her do what she felt was right. Oh, he’d voiced his objections, or rather, she had. She knew exactly how to read him; exactly what he’d balk at. That had been before she had the idea to go to the cube. And willingly allow herself to be assimilated.

The very idea still chilled him to the bone.

He had intently voiced his objections then, finally compromised and settled with her taking a team. Tuvok and B’Elanna. He glanced over to their respective biobeds and shook his head. B’Elanna was recovering as well as Kathryn, but Tuvok… Tuvok. Chakotay took a deep breath. They had nearly lost their sage mentor, and dear friend, to the Borg.

Damn them. He was beginning to wish he’d still been dealing with Cardassians. Rather the enemy he knew.  


His attention was quickly turned back to the bed in front of him when it’s occupant moaned lightly in her sleep. He stood and lowered over her, gently sliding his hand into hers. This woman who was everything to him. Chakotay drifted his free hand across her forehead, still slightly paled from the assimilation, and pushed the hair from her eyes. He softly whispered words of comfort, hoping to settle her dreams.

He wondered who would settle his dreams.

He would never forget the drone who had been the woman he loved. What they had done to her; what they had done to all of them. Again his eyes moved to the other members of the away party. His eyes closed tightly in an attempt to drive the images from his mind.

“Chakotay…”

The plaintive whisper brought him to the present and he looked into haunted grey eyes; the blue only a hint in the low lighting. “I’m here.” He held her hand tighter as she wrapped her slender fingers around his. “Do you need anything?”

She shook her head. “Just your company.” She gave him a smile and reached to touch his arm, but winced and gasped.

“Are you okay?” He quickly looked her over, trying to determine where the pain was coming from.

“Hmmm,” She nodded, lightly. “My,” she lifted her hand to the right side of her face, “head.” She gave him a helpless smile. “I’ve got a headache the size of the delta quadrant.” She shifted a little on her bed of pillows. “Between that and,” she grunted as she moved, “the spinal clamps, I have a feeling pain and I are going to become old friends.”

Chakotay gave her a sympathetic smile. “Make a deal with me, please?”

Her eyes met his. “What?”

“Don’t do this again?” 

She regarded him, sighed, then quipped, “I guess we’ll have to cancel our standing Sunday dinner plans with the queen.”

“Kathryn,” he warned, then leaned closer to whisper, “the only queen I ever want to have dinner with is Arachnia.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” She shifted, “can you…” she reached back, “I’d like to sit a little more. This pillow keeps sliding.”

He nodded, and helped her to rearrange her bedding and get comfortable. “Better?”

“Yes.” She breathed deeply, “the back is complaining less. Now if only my head would stop yelling.” She settled and turned back to their conversation. “You know me. You know I can’t sit idly by and watch when I could be doing.”

“I know. Just as you know I’ll support you as best I can, depending on the circumstances.” He clutched her hand tighter. “But, Kathryn, you can’t give more than yourself, and you’ve given a damned lot to the Borg.”

She lay back against the pillow. He knew she wouldn’t promise him. Knew she couldn’t. There was too much good in her. Too much of her that needed to right what she perceived as wrongs, fix what she thought needed fixing. It’s exactly what made her the brilliant Captain that she was. What made her the woman he fell in love with. And while it terrified him to think of losing her somewhere along this journey, he wouldn’t change her even if he could.

He leant and pressed a kiss to her forehead. “Just remember that while you are the captain, and our fearless leader, you do have an entire crew complement that is willing to support you; help you. Let us do that.” He smiled. “At least promise me that.”

She smiled, “I’ll try.” She gave his cheek a light slap, “now please. Go sleep in your comfortable bed.” She shifted again, turning slightly, “You need to be on your toes tomorrow. Otherwise our only options for command are either Tom or Harry. Do we really want that?”

Chakotay laughed. “You have a point, Captain.” He gave her hand a final squeeze before pulling away. “Sleep well, Kathryn. I’ll see you tomorrow.” With one last long look and brush of his hand along her face, just feeling that she was there and all right, he turned and left Sickbay.


	24. Patience… is not something I’m known for

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I'm caught up. For a day. ;)

Kathryn sighed. She’d been watching the latest communication from Admiral Hayes. She couldn’t tell if the news was good or bad regarding the Maquis. She and Chakotay both had complied with their requests for anything having to do with his original crew. She had written glowing commendation after commendation. They had even cooled their personal relationship. Now the Maquis’ fate was in Starfleet’s hands and it was driving her crazy. Patience was not one of her virtues, and not knowing was unsettling.

With a growl she closed the lid of the comms terminal on her desk and picked up the glass of wine she’d been nursing all that evening. She walked into her bathroom and called for the computer to fill her bathtub to her preferred specifications. Hot, but not scalding water and deep. It’s on evenings like this that she really missed that bathtub Chakotay had built for her while they were on New Earth. She hoped that damned monkey was enjoying it. She poured in some fragrant lavender oil, and rose scented bubbles that she’d been given for her birthday.

While her tub was filling, Kathryn decided to spoil herself and replicate a plate of strawberries, grapes and some cheese. She grabbed the rest of the wine bottle and took herself off to indulge in a long soaking bath. It had been entirely too long since she’d allowed herself this luxury. She set the food down on her dresser and divested herself of clothes. She took a deep breath and relished the feeling of freedom that stripping off the uniform gave her. Kathryn opened her dresser and pondered her nightclothes. Eyeing the satin peach gown she hadn’t worn in some time, she smiled. What the hell. This was her night for pampering. She pulled it and it’s matching robe from the drawer, along with clean underwear.

She heard the tub shut off as it reached the desired depth. With a whistle, she grabbed the fruit, bottle, and glass and moved into the bathing alcove of her head. She set the items in her hand down on the ledge of the tub, and stepped in. Kathryn sighed deeply as she eased into the hot water and lay back. She settled comfortably, lowered the illumination of the room to thirty percent, took a drink of the wine, and hummed contentedly.

She really should end her days like this more often.

Kathryn reached for a grape and popped it into her mouth. She could feel the stresses of the day sloughing off as the bubbly water cleansed her. The lavender and rose mixed scents relaxed her to the point of drowsiness. She let herself nod off.

She didn’t know how long she’d been sleeping, but a sudden sense of being watched woke her quickly. Kathryn yelped when she opened her eyes to someone standing in the doorway. She was mid screech when she recognized the shape of the form and lay back, hiding herself under the bubbles. “What the hell, Chakotay! Did you miss the privacy lock?”

He leaned against the door jam, one arm over his head, the other on his hip, watching her. “I rang, I commed, you didn’t answer. I was concerned, so I overrode the lock.” He slunk into the room, much like a panther stalking his prey. With no thought to the fact that he was fully dressed, minus his boots, he stepped into the tub.

“Chakotay!” Kathryn tucked her legs up for fear he’d step on her. “What are you doing?” She asked both alarmed and amused at his boldness. The displaced water sluiced over the side in waves, nearly sending the wine and fruit with it.

He yanked off his combadge and tossed it clear of the tub and lay over her. “To hell with Starfleet. I’ve missed you.” He pulled her into a deep wanting kiss.

Kathryn fought the kiss for all of a second before she gave in. She was spoiling herself tonight after all. Her hands went to the zipper of his jacket and pulled at it. As she lowered it, his hands opened the soaked material and pulled it off. It went over the side. She tugged the grey tunic from his pants and pushed it up. 

As Chakotay yanked his grey turtleneck over his head, she worked on his pants. “Patience…” he growled against her lips.

“Patience is not something I’m known for,” she husked against his neck.

He huffed a laugh as he eased out of his pants and slung them over the side. “Oh, I know. Believe me, I know.”

-

“We’ve destroyed my bathroom.” Kathryn chuckled as she settled in Chakotay’s arms. She reached across him to her nightstand and picked up the wine bottle. Her glass and the fruit had been swept away. She wasn’t sure if it was a wave, or her hand, frankly, but she’d find it later. “Saving the wine was excellent thinking, Commander.” She took a healthy swig and handed the bottle to him.

“Hmm,” He drank as well, then replaced it on the stand. “Isn’t that why you keep me around?”

“Yes.” She captured his lips, then rolled to lay back on the pillow, pulling him over her. She lay both hands on each side of his face. “That is exactly why I keep you around.” She wrapped her leg around his hip and tugged him down over her.

As he trailed kisses along her neck, Kathryn thought, she really should end her days like this more often.


	25. I Could Really Eat Something

Kathryn walked into the Mess Hall at the end of her shift to see if there would be anything edible on Neelix’s menu. Her rations were running low for the month and there was only so much toast she could eat. As she rounded the corner she stopped and her breath caught. Chakotay sat at one of the tables picking at a salad. 

Kathryn stood for a moment’s indecision. She was already in and a few folks had waved as they saw her. It was too late to about face and leave. She clenched her fist, took a breath and turned toward the galley.

“Captain!” The Talaxian’s jovial voice called as he noticed her. She winced at the volume and surreptitiously glanced back, hoping Chakotay hadn’t heard. “Can I get you anything? I’ve got some plomeek soup left.”

“No,” Kathryn said quietly, “I’m… I think I’ll just go back to my quarters.” She noticed Neelix’s eyes move from her to the table her first officer occupied and then back to her.

Neelix gestured for her to follow him into his kitchen. As she approached, he laid a gentle hand on her shoulder, “Captain, since you made me the Federation Ambassador to the Delta Quadrant, I’ve done some studying up on your diplomatic rules,” as he spoke, Neelix pulled out a cup and proceeded to make a hot drink. “I’ve learned more about humans and your culture as well. I find it fascinating to learn about new species.” He smiled and set the cup in front of her.

Kathryn looked at it askance and from the smell recognized it. “Thank you, but I’d prefer coffee.”

Voyager’s morale officer gave his captain a patient smile. “Its Vulcan spiced tea.” He nodded toward the table Chakotay occupied. “Consider it a, what do you say? Olive tree?”

Kathryn’s lips arced upward into a slight smile. “Olive branch.” She picked up the tea and turned to the table in question. She took a deep breath. She had to speak to him at some point. She turned her head. “Thank you. Neelix.”

The walk to his table was both very short and incredibly long. She took a deep breath then set the tea down in front of his salad. 

“What’s this?” Chakotay asked, turning her direction.

She shrugged, then sat in the seat opposite his. “An olive tree, according to Neelix.”

For a moment he looked confused, then realization dawned and his mouth crooked into a small smile. His smile faded as he looked down at the salad in front of him. “I’m sorry, Captain. I don’t know how you could forgive me, when I can’t forgive myself.”

“Chakotay. Look at me please?” She reached out, but didn’t quite make contact with his hand. “I’ll admit it’s going to take me a long time to forget what happened in my ready room.” She took a breath, “but I think I’m ready to forgive.” Her voice lowered to an emotional whisper, “because I know it wasn’t you.”

“I should have been strong enough to fight… him. Teero’s influence.” Chakotay spoke his next words so quietly she barely heard them. “Especially when it came to you.” She could see him holding back tears, fighting his emotions. “How could I hand Tuvok a phaser set to…” his voice caught over the word. “...and tell him to fire?”

Her mind’s eye flashed to the angry, empty look on Chakotay’s face when he ordered her third in command to fire. Kathryn clenched her eyes shut, willing the image away. Giving up any pretense of being subtle in public, Kathryn lay her hand over his. “Chakotay when you… when he did that, there was nothing in your face. No recognition at all. I was looking at a total stranger.” She squeezed his hand and whispered, “It was another angry man. Not my angry warrior.”

She sat straight, “Finish tonight’s shift, take tomorrow off and I want you back on the bridge, promptly at 0700, the day after.” When he started to complain, she amended. “That’s an order, Commander.” Her voice softened. “I miss you.” She leaned forward. “Tom Paris is not nearly as good at your job as you are.” She gave him a pleading look.

Chakotay laughed, “Since you put it that way.”

Kathryn eyed the half-eaten salad, “I could really eat something.”

With slight hesitation, Chakotay pulled something from the bowl, and offered it. “Crouton?”

Tears pricked her eyes as she remembered another time. A time when they’d fought bitterly. She smiled warmly and took the peace offering. “Thank you.”


	26. You Keep Me Warm

The fire was dying a slow death and the cold night air was starting to creep into the small cavern that they’d holed up in. In retrospect, she should have known better than to leave the ship in a shuttle piloted by her first officer. She glanced at his sleeping form, thankful his injuries weren’t any more serious than hers had been. Kathryn gave the embers a quick desperate churn, hoping to stir up some semblance of flame.

With a sigh, she wrapped the blanket tighter around her shoulders and moved closer to her bed pallet. Their distress call had been picked up by Voyager, so she knew the ship was en route to their location. They’d decided some time together was needed after the events of late. Between Teero’s ill fated mutiny and its repercussions, a first contact that ended badly, a near voyage stopping loss of power they just needed the time away. The time to connect, not as Captain and Commander, but as Kathryn and Chakotay.

She picked up a PADD and settled against a cave wall to read. They’d decided on taking turns for night watch. There had been no surface lifesigns on the sensors, but given that the shuttle had been damaged in the steep decent, they didn’t want to take the data at face value. Not when their safety was paramount. Chakotay had taken the first watch and she was in the third hour of her shift. She glanced from her reading when she heard stirring.

“What time is it?” Chakotay mumbled in his half-awake state.

Kathryn smiled. She had no idea what time it was. None of their chronometers were working, thanks to the lack of any power. “Oh-dark-thirty,” she replied with a smirk.

He knee-stepped to her and sat, now more awake. “S’cold.”

She opened her blanket and let him move into its cover. “I don’t have any more fuel for the fire.”

He snuggled her close and cocooned the blanket around them. “It’s okay. You keep me warm.”


	27. Can You Wait For Me?

Kathryn sighed as she read the latest letters from the monthly data stream. With each letter, each month, her homesickness worsened. Between the still undecided fate of the Maquis crew and worrying letters from home, her head was starting to hurt.

The latest missive from her sister made mention that their mother had been ill. The doctors were unsure of the issue, but it was sounding like something serious. Kathryn picked up the cup and took a drink. She winced as the coffee had gone cold. Resolutely, she stood and moved to the replicator to recycle the old and then order a fresh cup.

Now steaming coffee in her hand, Kathryn stepped to the viewport in her ready room. At the latest calculation, they were nearly twenty-nine years from home. Even if they met up with the ships that Starfleet had sent in their direction, it could possibly be too late for her mother. 

Kathryn sighed deeply. “Can you wait for me, Mom?” she whispered into the empty room. She wiped away a tear and turned. She jumped when she realized she wasn’t alone.

“How long have you been there?”

“Long enough,” he whispered and held his arms out to her.

Kathryn sat the cup down and moved into his embrace. “I feel like I’m never going to see my family again.”

“You will.” Chakotay told her softly as he pressed a kiss atop her head. “You are bound and determined to get home as soon as possible. You will see your mother again.”

“I hope.” 

“I will do whatever it takes to help see that you get home to your family.” He wrapped her in his embrace and held her close.

Kathryn stayed in the comfort of Chakotay’s hold for a few moments longer, before pulling away. “I know you will.” She smiled and wiped her eyes. “We should get back to the bridge. Back to our journey.”

She stepped away from him and moved down the steps. She turned, “thank you, Chakotay.”

“Anytime, Kathryn. Anytime.”


	28. I'm Doing This For You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some dialogue taken directly from Workforce Pt 2. No infringement is intended.

Chakotay stopped just after the sickbay doors activated. He gestured for the man who accompanied him to step in first. He felt a stab of jealousy when Kathryn’s eyes widened and she smiled at the sight of the man. He took a breath, squelched the feeling and entered himself. When the Doctor approached, Chakotay grabbed his wrist and halted his forward motion. “Give them a minute before you start.” He gestured with his head, that they should leave the couple alone.

The Doctor went in to his office and puttered around at the computer. Chakotay leaned against the open doorway and watched the pair. He knew it was a private moment, and that he should turn away, but he found himself compelled; he couldn’t look away.

She had been happy. On the planet. Free to do as she pleased. Make friends. Freely love someone with none of the baggage of their own relationship, or whatever the hell it could be called. And from what he’d seen of them; in the bar, in her apartment; now—they loved each other. Chakotay knew what Kathryn looked like when she was in love. He had seen it in her face when she looked at him. And now he was seeing it on her face as she gazed longingly at Jaffen.

As he watched, a kernel of a thought drifted through his mind. He could get Voyager home. If she really wanted to stay, Chakotay knew that he loved her enough to let her go. If it was what she truly wanted. With a heavy ragged sigh, he kicked off the wall and moved to the biobed where she sat, hand held tightly in Jaffen’s.

Chakotay cleared his throat as he approached, emotionally unguarded. “May I talk to Kathryn alone for a moment?” He probably should have referred to her as ‘Captain’ but something in him needed for this man, this stranger, to know without a doubt exactly how he felt about the woman between them.

The tall man met his eyes and straightened, fire flickered across his face, his nostrils flared. Message received. Good. Jaffen’s gaze passed between he and Kathryn before the man nodded and stepped away. Chakotay had no doubt their every movement would be watched. But he didn’t care.

“Kath—Captain.” He started to reach for her, then pulled back. “If you feel that you’d be happier on Quarra with Jaffen,” he tried very hard to keep his tone light, professional. Chakotay failed the moment the next sentence passed his lips. “You can go back. I’ll see that our—your crew gets home. To...Earth.”

Kathryn stood and faced him. “Commander, can I ask you something? He nodded. “What am I to you?”

_Everything_

Chakotay closed his eyes to the unexpected punch in the gut her question caused. Shoring himself up, he replied. “You’re my Captain and you’re my friend.” He rested his clenched fist on the biobed they stood next to. “I want you to be happy. If going back down there,” he glanced over at the man hovering just on the edge of hearing range, “with him would make you happy, I want you to go.”

Kathryn regarded him closely. He knew it was selfish, but Chakotay refused to harden his gaze. Her eyes lowered, “how long have we known each other?”

“We’ve served together…”

“Oh, can the bullshit,” she snapped. “Tell me the truth. We’ve _known_ each other for how long?”

He gave her a slight grin. Even without her memories, she was intrinsically Kathryn Janeway. “Seven years.”

“How long have we been lovers?” She asked him bluntly.

He flinched, then blanched. “Captain, I—” She looked at him askance. His shoulders dropped, “It’s complicated.”

“Do you want me to leave?” She crossed her arms, “which doesn’t seem right, considering what you went through to find me.”

“Kathryn, I’m doing this for you. I never expected to find you happy in the arms of another man.”

“Am I happy in your arms?”

“I…” Chakotay started, then sighed. He slid onto the bed. “It’s—”

“Complicated?” she asked.

He nodded. “I just want you to be happy. If being with him, now—without the weight of duty—makes you happy. Then be with him.”

Kathryn looked between the two of them. “I think I need to have all of my memories intact before making a decision like this.” She gestured toward the medical office. “Go ahead and let the Doctor know that I’m ready to start my treatments.”

-

Kathryn stood at the viewport in her ready room and watched the planet below. She’d just said goodbye to Jaffen. He understood why she needed to stay and left after insisting on a promise from Chakotay to take care of her. She wrapped her arms tightly around herself. If the freedom from her troubles over the last several days had taught her anything, it was that she needed to find a better balance in her life. One that would allow her to live without the constant choke of command.

If they were going to be out here for any length of time, she needed to allow herself to live. And love. To be fully human.

With that thought in mind, she left her office and rejoined her bridge crew. She sat down in her chair, well worn, and by now, comfortable.

“Are you ready to go?” 

She turned to the man at her left. “It may not have been real, Chakotay, but it felt like home.” She fiddled with her fingers, “If you hadn't come after me, I never would've known that I had another life.”

“Are you sorry I showed up?” He asked her, sincerely.

She shook her head, “not for a second.” Kathryn gave him a warm smile and reached across to take his hand. “Because this is home. This is where I belong.” She squeezed his hand before dropping it and turning to the front. “Resume course, Mister Paris.


	29. Enough! I've heard enough.

[INT Ready Room. It is occupied by JANEWAY, PARIS, and CHAKOTAY]

JANEWAY: Enough!

PARIS:[lifts his arm] Captain...

JANEWAY: [interrupts] I’ve heard enough.

PARIS: It wasn’t my…

JANEWAY: [interrupts again, crosses her arms] Fault? It’s never your fault Mister Paris.

PARIS: [sighs] This time it really wasn’t

JANEWAY: [impatiently] Then whose was it?

[PARIS’s eyes flit to the man standing behind his captain.]

[JANEWAY turns to CHAKOTAY]

JANEWAY: [surprised] Commander?

CHAKOTAY: [glares at PARIS. Eyes move back to JANEWAY and he knows he’s sunk]

JANEWAY: Well?

CHAKOTAY: I got lucky. 

JANEWAY: [with surprised wariness] Lucky?

CHAKOTAY: [shrugs]

JANEWAY: You cheated.

CHAKOTAY: [flustered, getting angry] How can you accuse me of cheating? You know I’d never do that.

JANEWAY: Do I?

[They’ve completely forgotten PARIS is with them.]  
CHAKOTAY: [ Astonished:] How can you say that, Kathryn? 

JANEWAY: [steps closer] Do you want me to name names?

CHAKOTAY: [crosses arms] If you’re naming them, so am I.

[PARIS clears his throat]  
PARIS: There’s a child in the room.

KATHRYN: [smirks at CHAKOTAY] Truer words have never been spoken.

[CHAKOTAY laughs]  
CHAKOTAY: Kathryn, I can assure you that I have never cheated.

[KATHRYN’S eyebrow flits upward]

CHAKOTAY: [quickly adds] When it comes to this.

PARIS: [rocking smugly back and forth on his feet] The child is learning a lot right now.

[KATHRYN turns to PARIS]  
KATHRYN: Doesn’t the ‘child’ have a ship to pilot?

PARIS: Right. Yes. I’m going.  
[PARIS exits the room]

[JANEWAY turns back to CHAKOTAY and their conversation]  
JANEWAY: Seriously, Chakotay, how could you?

CHAKOTAY: [grins wider] I really did just get lucky. Paris had nothing to do with it.

KATHRYN: [smiles and lays a hand on Chakotay’s upper arm, before walking to her desk. As she is walking says] Well, next time you beat my high score in Velocity, I’d better be there to reclaim my honor.


	30. I'm With You, You Know That.

Chakotay paced outside the door to Kathryn’s quarters before finally tapping the chime. The doors slid open immediately. She’d of course been expecting him. Damn. That made what he needed to tell her even worse. He stepped in.

She looked up from the table, set for dinner. “Hi!” She set the PADD down and stood. “I figured you’d be hungry, so I took the liberty of making dinner.” His face must have registered his disappointed surprise. “What’s wrong?”

How the hell was he going to tell her? He sat. “Kathryn,” Chakotay reached for her hand. “I can’t stay for dinner tonight.” Her face registered confusion. “I’m having dinner with Seven.”

“What?” She asked, hurt flitting across her face.

“I want to be as open and honest with you about this as I can.” Chakotay started.

She pulled her hand away, “Are you… telling me that you’re seeing Seven?” She sat ramrod straight, schooling her features. “How long has this been going on?”

“No!” Chakotay said sharply. “It’s nothing like that.” He sighed. This was going badly. He needed to explain it better. “I’m helping Seven with her socialization.” He leaned back in his chair. “The Doctor came to me and asked. Since things between them have become awkward, she feels uncomfortable with him now.”

“Why you?” Kathryn asked. He knew she’d known about the hologram; Seven’s crush on him. “Seven knows that nothing can come of it, right?” Kathryn hesitated for a moment. “Unless, I’ve been wrong about us…”

Chakotay moved the chair so he could sit next to her. He wanted nothing between them, including the table. He cupped both her hands in his. “Kathryn, I’m with you, you know that.” He pressed a warm kiss against her lips. “Always.” He sat back, yet keeping her within his grasp. “The Doctor asked me because I’m ‘safe.’ I wouldn’t try to push her into something she’s not ready for, because I’m not available to go any further than a dinner date or two.”

“Not available?” Kathryn asked with a slow smile.

“Not remotely.” He leaned forward, grabbed her hips and pulled her over so she straddled his lap. His arms snaked around her waist and pulled her tightly to him. “And Seven knows this.”

Kathryn settled as her arms wrapped around his shoulders. “Do **I** know the lucky lady?” She husked, dropping her forehead to his.

“Hmmm,” he hummed against her neck. “You might have a clue.” He nibbled at the hollow of her throat.

He quickly forgot himself and was in the process of pulling the zipper down on her jacket, when she stopped him. “I thought you had a date tonight?”

“Oh, shit, yes.” He sat straight and let her go so she could stand. “Dammit, woman, you make me forget what I’m doing.”

"Good." She smugly replied.

Chakotay stood and grabbed a slice of garlic toast from the plate Kathryn had set out for him. “Oh,” he swallowed with a sigh of contentment, “you didn’t burn it. Maybe I should stay.”

Kathryn laughed and swatted his ass with a cloth napkin. “Get out of here, Chakotay.”

He smiled and moved to the door, taking another bite of the bread slice. “My calendar is open for tomorrow night. I'll be all yours.” The doors opened and he stepped out.

“I’ll be sure to burn your dinner tomorrow,” he heard as the doors slid closed. He chuckled as he headed down to Cargo Bay two to pick up Seven.


	31. Scared, Me?

Scared, me? Yes. I’m terrified. I feel as though I’ve lost the one thing that has made this journey worthwhile. The one thing that would make the rest of my life, now that the journey is over, worth living. Why? Because I wasn’t where I was meant to be. Where I promised I would be five years ago.

Because of simple lousy damned timing.

And whatever the Admiral said to Kathryn.

What happened?

_While all hell was breaking loose on the bridge, I was standing next to Harry’s station, helping him with the sensors. We abruptly burst through the sphere, and back into normal space. In one piece. Somehow._

_The inertial dampers took a second to kick in and that final ride was bumpy. Seven lost her balance and I was close, so I reached and caught her, righted her. It was then that I noticed the sight on the viewscreen. Starships. Dozens of them. We were home!_

_I was so transfixed, I hadn’t realized my hand was still on Seven’s arm. Until Kathryn turned around and I saw the pained look on her face. One devastating fact occurred to me immediately. I was holding the wrong woman. I started forward, but The Doctor’s voice accompanied by a baby’s cry rang out through the bridge. My vision tunnelled and the only thing I knew was Kathryn’s pain and that I was in the wrong goddamn place. I think I stopped breathing. If she hadn’t ordered me to the helm, I may have toppled over. _

Now that things have settled, we’re on our way to Earth. I’ve given the helm over to the ensign on duty and am standing outside the ready room doors. Kathryn retreated to her sanctuary almost as soon as she gave the order for home. I blew out a breath and glanced up at Tuvok, who nodded at me as I rang the chime.

The doors slid open and I stepped in.

She was sitting at her desk, speaking to someone. It sounded like Admiral Paris. She glanced up, gestured for me to sit and then went right back to her conversation. From the sounds of it, families were being informed, celebrations were being put together and decisions were being made about where to go next.

I must have gotten lost in thought, because when I looked up, Kathryn was watching me. Her face guarded. “I’m sorry,” was the only thing that came out of my mouth.

She stood and moved to the upper section of her office. I hesitated, then followed.

“The Maquis are to be pardoned.” She was saying. “Admiral Paris has just informed me that all of your commissions and ranks will be honored, and if anyone wishes, they may remain in Starfleet and be considered for other postings.

I nodded. “Thank you. Everyone will be glad to know that. They all know and appreciate how hard you worked on our behalf.” I moved closer and started to lay my hand on her shoulder, but, dropped my arm to my side instead. “Kathryn, I need to explain…”

She turned and lifted her hand in that way she does when she’s deflecting something, “It’s okay, Chakotay. What we had, it may not be sustainable...here,” Her voice cracked at the same time my heart did. “You and Seven should have the chance…”

“Have the chance for what?” I asked. No doubt my confusion sounded in my voice. 

“For your relationship to develop.”

I looked at Kathryn like she’d grown a set of ridges on her forehead. “Kathryn, I have no desire to grow a relationship with Seven into anything.” I gestured between us, “It’s our relationship I want to grow.”

She squelched a cry, “That’s not what the Admiral told me.”

“What did she tell you?”

“That you and Seven were married in her timeline.” She plopped down onto the couch and I could tell she was exhausted.

I sat beside her. “Kathryn, this is your timeline,” I took her hand, “our timeline. I have no desire to marry Seven.” I pulled her face toward me and kissed her. “What happened earlier, she tripped when we came through that sphere and I caught her before she fell. That’s all. I should have been at your side, but I wasn’t and I’m truly sorry.”

Kathryn suddenly pulled away from me and placed her hand over her mouth. I could see she was struggling. “We’re home,” she whispered.

“We’re home, Kathryn.” I pulled her into my arms and held her tightly. “You got us home.” I let my cheek rest on the top of her head and sat back so that we were comfortable on the couch in each other’s arms. “I love you, Kathryn. I’m telling you now, because the next few days will be hectic and we may not see each other much.”

She sat and turned to me. “One year is what we had left, or when we get home, whatever happens first.” Her smile... that smile could have run every starship in the armada that was leading us to Earth. I nodded in agreement. “We got home first,” she told me happily, tears swimming in her eyes. “I love you too.”

Her combadge chirped and Kathryn responded. “Captain,” Harry Kim’s voice, “We’re approaching Earth’s orbit. I thought you’d want to see this.”

“Yes!” She replied happily, wiping the tears from her cheeks. “We’re on our way.”

We stood in unison, and left the ready room. 

The sight of that ever familiar planet loomed on the viewscreen. I’m not sure there was a dry eye on the bridge. Or on the ship for that matter. Kathryn made an all hands announcement, that anyone who could, should find a viewport or monitor and watch our approach.

“Captain, Starfleet Command is hailing us.” Tuvok called.

“On screen” Our Captain proudly ordered.

I heard the aft Turbolift doors open and turned to see the new Paris family enter, just as Admiral Paris’ visage filled our viewer.

I’ll admit, the next new minutes went by in a blur. Admiral Paris was welcoming us home. Kathryn was extolling the virtues of her crew, Tom was introducing his family to his father. 

The only thing I recall about that moment; the moment Voyager was welcomed home with open arms, was that Kathryn Janeway’s hand never left mine.


	32. Epilogue: I’ve Waited So Long For This

_Two Months After Voyager’s Return_

“Was it really a good idea to let Tom Paris plan Voyager’s Welcome Home Gala?” Admiral Jeremiah Hayes asked as he stepped into the ballroom, decorated gaily with balloons, streamers of more colors than he knew existed and a banner that read, “Welcome Home Voyager” in what looked like a child’s hand painted lettering. “This looks more like a child’s birthday party.” He wasn’t going to mention the music that was blaring. 

His companion laughed. “Admiral Janeway requested it.” Alynna Nechayev explained. “Apparently Paris and their Talaxian morale officer planned the majority of the parties aboard. Kathryn wanted this one to be special for her crew.” She looked around at the room’s occupants. She recognized most of the wayward crew, laughing, dancing, and having a good time. “Lighten up, Jeremiah. This crew deserves to do things a bit differently.”

Hayes harrumphed and picked up a glass of champagne from the tray of a passing waiter. “Speaking of, where is the guest of honor?”

“I think she’s still finishing up that press conference some idiot by the name of Hayes set-up for her to do an hour before this shindig was supposed to start.” Nechayev gave the man a good natured pop on the shoulder as he laughed.

-

Chakotay had reached the side of the stage before he was stopped by security. “I need to speak to my Cap… Admiral. She’s late.” He noticed Kathryn look his way from the table where she was trapped in an infinite press conference. He pointed to the watch on his wrist and mouthed, _we’re late_. He gestured for her to ‘come on’. She nodded and announced that she’d taken her last question and that she had to leave. She quickly joined him at the bottom of the small set of stairs leading to the stage. “You still need to get changed.” He told her as they left the building.

-

Chakotay stood in the living room of the small apartment they now shared temporarily while looking for a permanent place. He looked up as Kathryn rejoined him. When he noticed what she was wearing he smiled. “Did Tom put you up to that?” She was wearing Arachnia’s dress, minus the shoulder and neck decorations. Her auburn hair was loose and hung to just below her shoulders. 

Kathryn laughed. “No. I thought it would be fun. It works as a formal gown, and I didn’t want to wear a dress uniform.” She wrapped her arms around Chakotay’s neck. “Between you and me, I hate the new uniforms down the line. Too damned much gray.”

He kissed her warmly, “I agree, Admiral. I think you should make this your official uniform.”

She laughed and pulled away, “only if you dress as Chaotica, Captain.”

He laughed and moved toward the door and the transporter pad at the end of the hallway their Starfleet issued apartment was on. “I guess I should be thankful you didn’t say Lonzak.”

Kathryn was still laughing as she faded into the transporter beam.

-

Hand in hand, Voyager’s command team walked into the ballroom. Tom Paris, naturally was the first person to see them and immediately recognized her look. His yell of “Hail to the Queen” was quickly repeated throughout the room. Many accompanied by a bow.

Kathryn stood amidst her crew and for a moment took on the persona of Arachnia and encouraged the cheers, before dissolving into laughter and welcoming the hugs from them.

“Henchman!” she barked, her gaze falling on her former xo. He didn’t respond until her fingers snapped.

“Oh! You’re talking to me.”

She smirked, “well, you have always been my henchman.”

Chakotay cocked his head and had to agree. “True.” He bowed exaggeratedly, “what is it you wish, your majesty?”

“Some champagne would be glorious.”

“Champagne you will have.”

“Make sure everyone has some. I want to make a toast.” She told him as he walked away.

It wasn’t long before a flute of bubbly liquid was placed in her hands. She moved to drag a chair into the middle of the dance floor. “Everyone gather around me.” she turned and motioned toward the Admirals and family present. “You too.” She slipped her shoes off and asked Chakotay to help her onto the chair. She leaned against him, her free arm draped around his shoulders to prevent her falling.

“I am proud of each and every one of us!”

Kathryn yelled over the din, before Tom jumped in and shouted “Hey everyone, shut up! Our queen is speaking!” 

Kathryn laughed as the room quieted. Someone handed her a microphone. She started again, to a much quieter room. “I am proud of each and every one of us,” she repeated. “When I stranded us,” she hesitated when a chorus of ‘no’ and ‘it wasn’t your fault’ rang out. She smiled and amended, “when we were stranded out there, we had to fend for ourselves. All of us. But among that we lived! We laughed, we cried, we celebrated birthdays, holidays, parties. We mourned,” she glanced down to the man she leaned against, “we became friends, we argued, we fell in love.” She returned her gaze to the crew encircling her, “we became a family. I can promise all of you, this is merely another step in our journey as Voyagers! I am proud of you and I love all of you!” She extended the glass upward, “To the Journey!”

Cheers rang out as everyone drank and repeated the toast.

In a moment of quiet, Chakotay raised his hand and his voice. “Wait a moment, I’ve got something to say.” He took the microphone from Kathryn and helped her down from the chair. “I’ve got something to say.” He took another drink, then cleared his throat. “We didn’t exactly meet on the most auspicious terms. Your orders were to arrest me and my gang of miscreants.” Mild laughter skittered over the gathered crowd.

“I could have easily taken the ship.” He snickered, “I mean, let’s face it, Starfleet sent a tiny woman in a tiny ship after me.”

Kathryn crossed her arms with a slight grin, “Keep talking, Chakotay, there are four Admirals over there who would love to turn back time.”

He turned to them, “No offence intended.” He then shrugged, “okay maybe a little.” He jumped when Kathryn smacked his arm. “I’m kidding.” 

He reached for her arm and slid his hand down to take hers, “but then you stepped between me and Paris and I lost any need to fight. From that moment on, the only thing I knew was that I would follow you to the end of the universe and back. I honestly think that is the moment I fell in love with you. At the very least it was the moment I knew peace was within my grasp.”

“I’ve waited too long for this. We’ve waited too long for this.” He handed the closest person to him the empty glass and microphone, then reached into his pocket. “Kathryn I promised you, on a holographic beach in front of an ocean with purple water that five years from then, or when we got home, I would love you the way you deserve to be loved.” He glanced around to their surroundings. “We are not on a holodeck. We’re home, even though, wherever you are has always been home to me. Over time that five years became three, then two, then one.”

Kathryn brushed away a tear and whispered, “we made it home first.”

“We did.” He opened the box to reveal a silver banded ring topped with a solitaire cut amethyst stone. “I’ve had this ring since Latiri Six. I knew I’d be giving it to you at some point.” He pulled it from the box, “Kathryn Janeway, it would be an honor if I could spend the rest of my life’s journey at your side.”

Kathryn smiled through her tears, “Chakotay.” She lay her hands aside his face. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.” She pulled him into a kiss, then hugged him tightly. She pulled back enough so he could slip the ring onto her finger. “It’s beautiful.”

As the two kissed, Tom yelled, “She said yes people!” He clapped, “Let’s party! Hey Doc! Start the music.”

As they separated, Tom draped his arms around both of his commanding officers, “by the way, I figured out a year ago that the ‘anonymous’ bet in my pool was you, Captain. That’s cheating.” He tapped her shoulder, “but I let that slide, because thanks to that date, I know when this started.” He chuckled. “I was way off, good job keeping it secret.” He turned serious. “I just want you to know that I’m happy for you. The whole damned crew is happy for you.” He tightened his arms and whispered, “and if I’m not either Best Man, or Maid of Honor, I’ve got some Halloween costumes that Fed News would absolutely love to see.”

Kathryn laughed, then warned, “Oh, where shall I start when it comes to you, Thomas.”

Chakotay chimed in, “we could start on the holodeck and the dress you’re wearing.”

“Point taken.”

“Walk away while you still can, Tom. Walk away.” Chakotay snickered as the young man did exactly as he was told.

“Dance with me,” Chakotay asked, holding his hand out for her to take. He pulled her close as the song that they had danced to during the sock hop started playing.

“Always,” Kathryn sighed as she lay her head on his shoulder.

_You are my special angel_   
_Sent from up above_   
_The Lord smiled down on me_   
_And sent an angel to love_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You Are My Special Angel by Bobby Helms, words and music by: Jimmy Thomas
> 
> Thank you for taking this journey with me. It was a lot of fun!


End file.
